Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday or Tuesday and it ruins it for us.
Beware of a new Amazon scam. My husband ordered me some expensive jewelry, but motorcycle parts came instead. Thankfully they fit his bike.
The fitness trainer asked me, "What kind of a squat are you doing?" I said, "Diddly."
Cell phones bring you closer to the person far from you. But take you away from the ones sitting next to you.
I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the rowing machine next to her.
I went to a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160 dollars. I gave her $80 dollars and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
I am often mistaken for an adult because of my age.