It wouldn't be the holidays without a turkey, a fruitcake, and some mixed nuts. But enough about the relatives.
I wish Santa would publish his naughty list. What a great way to meet people.
Me: It's not about how many times you fall. It's about how many times you get back up.
I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don't change when everyone else does.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around anything. Basically, it's the duct tape of food.
I got gas today for $1.39. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
As you get older, you've got to stay positive. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, "Wow, that's the fastest I've moved in years!"
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
My sister thinks she is so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.....So I threw a coconut at her...!