The invention of the shovel was a ground breaking discovery, but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.
A husband said to his wife. "The guys at the club said that our mailman has slept with every woman on our street except one..." Wife replies "I bet it was Paula."
I went to McDonald's today and ate a Kids Meal. It was good, but his mom was furious.
I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. I always thought she was seeing someone on the side.
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on it's way to work. She hung up on me.
You know you're old when you're entering your birth year online and have to spin that thing like you're on the price is right.
Kids these days are soft. I'm pretty sure I died once when I was 7 and my mom made me walk it off.
I'm not trying to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model. They hired me as the "before" picture.
We got so drunk last night at the bar that we searched for my friend for half an hour while he helped us look!
Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures....it's my face.