Couples as Partners
Can Drive You to Dink ! By Dr . J
Do you and your significant other hesitate to play as partners in pickleball for fear of complicating or harming your primary relationship ? Do you avoid playing as partners for other reasons that would create disharmony and stress ?
These questions about partnering with your significant other began in Griffin , Georgia , at Wyomia State Park , home of 18 outdoor courts and facilities . The event was the Super Senior International Pickleball Association ’ s ( SSIPA ) East Championship Tournament in 2018 . I was on the sidelines watching my former mixed doubles partner play in her first tournament with husband Scott Siewert .
Teri Siewert had been one of my regular partners at 3.5 skill level tournaments for several years and with her rapidly increasing level , we medaled at every tournament we played . Her husband Scott , a 4.0-4.5 player , was often on the sidelines cheering and coaching us . Their first game together , however , was becoming increasingly discombobulated . Behind 5-0 , they wisely called for a time-out .
As a retired marriage and family therapist , it was painfully easy to see their problem . Being close friends with Scott and Teri , I decided to risk some unplanned coaching . I directed gentle coaching to Scott , as he was overcompensating for his “ new ” partner . I told Scott , “ Step aside , and let her play ! You ’ re trying to get everything . Trust your partner .”
That was it . He began to trust Teri to take care of her side of the court . They went on to come from behind and win that game and several more ! The results ? They won the gold medal that day and the coveted gold SSIPA paddles .
Since then , I ’ ve been interviewing and observing couples who play together . In my area , Athens , Georgia , I had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing Ellie and Mark Farriba . Their story of playfulness and fun on the courts seemed to be the recurring theme of other couples interviewed .
What does
Mark and Ellie Farriba at home with their medals . it take for a
couple to partner up on the courts and produce positive outcomes ? The predominant dynamic is bringing an already strong , loving and playful relationship to the courts . With that , five main skills evolved :
1 . Encouragement . Ellie emphasizes to always encourage each other across the court . Encouragement on the unforced errors as well as the good shots . Criticisms , especially while playing , are joy killers . An encouraged partner is relaxed . A criticized partner is uptight and tense , guaranteeing a lackluster game . It ’ s simple — encouragement works !
2 . Communication . Positive communication before , during and after the game . Clarity of who covers lobs , forehands , difficult shots . Mark and Ellie say , “ Keep it positive .” It ’ s discouraging to play with a partner who is always apologizing for bad shots or missed volleys ; or one who is constantly critiquing and criticizing your play .
3 . Trust . Trust one another to do the best he or she can and stay out of the way , unless you clearly have the best angle on a poach shot . Trusting each other to have fun and give their best shots makes for an enjoyable togetherness on and off the courts . 4 . Sportsmanship . Not just with your opponents . Practice sportsmanship with each other . Tap paddles , pick up the balls and hand or toss them to your partner ( it saves a lot of energy ), and for your opponents or players on adjacent courts whose ball has crossed onto your court . Be gracious in victory and defeat . Compliment your opponents and one another . Go easy on yourself as well ; it ’ s just a game .
5 . Playfulness . Bring playfulness to your partner and game . If your opponents are serious , don ’ t join them ; entertain them with a playful game . Never forget that you ’ re out there on the courts to have fun . If your opponents are serious and argumentative about calls , give them the point or serve . You don ’ t have to attend every argument you ’ re invited to .
The proof is in the pudding — the couple that plays together , stays together . Have fun ! •
Dr . J — Jerry Brinegar , PhD — is a USA Pickleball member and current moderator of the National Ambassador private Facebook group page . He ’ s also an Ambassador for the Athens area of Georgia , which includes five counties . Dr . J learned to play pickleball in Surprise , Arizona , in 2013 . For more information , visit
https :// pickleballinsider . com / listing / jerry-brinegar-dr-j .