makes us love them even more . We can all relate . We ’ re all human . We all get nervous and that ’ s OK .
EVERYTHING ’ S A CHOICE
You and your nervous system don ’ t like feeling forced to do anything . Just watch a kid being forced to go to school where they have been bullied , or being compelled to ride an intimidating roller coaster . The nerves will kick into full gear , and they will resist .
You don ’ t have to do anything . This truth has a calming effect on your nerves . Nothing is forcing you to play in a tournament . There are a million other things you could do with your day . Recognizing it ’ s your choice activates a different part of your brain and you will feel the confidence that accompanies choosing to confront something important to you , albeit scary , rather than feeling compelled to do it .
HAVE COURAGE AND BE KIND
Learn how to be a good winner , as well as a good loser . If you can accept victory and defeat with the same level of gratitude , grace , and poise , you are much less likely to feel anxious ( and are in fact more likely to play your best ).
Sometimes people get fixated on “ luck ” and refuse to give their opponent any credit . This is a path that will just lead to frustration . They aren ’ t the only ones who are getting lucky , even though admittedly it can feel that way at times . It feels better to congratulate your opponent , rather than berate yourself for every tiny mistake you have made since your conception !
Giving credit to your opponents can take the pressure off of you . They are a valuable part of the process . Even though they seem to get in the way of what you want , what you want wouldn ’ t exist without their presence .
Be grateful that your mind and body allow you to be playing this game — there are millions of people who don ’ t have that same luxury . Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat . Be grateful our battles are with plastic balls and graphite paddles . Be grateful for the people who are engaged in much more significant battlefields so that we can play .
TRUE COMPETITION
According to Timothy Gallwey in “ The Inner Game of Tennis ,” the root definition of competition is a “ mutual uplift ,” not a winner and a loser . Competition , in its finest form , brings out the best of all competitors and spectators alike . Sadly , there are situations where competition can bring out the worst , but that ’ s not in the spirit of true competition .
You want to be competing at the threshold of your capabilities . You could sign up for a lesser league so that you win every time . But this isn ’ t competing . You could also sign up for a much higher level . You are unlikely to feel nerves in these situations and this may be an avoidance of nerves , rather than the willingness to grow and courageously compete .
TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF
Your thinking mind can create stories that just aren ’ t accurate . If you miss a dink , you aren ’ t “ an uncoordinated loser who has never done anything right in your life .” The ball just went either too wide , too short , or too high . Don ’ t judge yourself so harshly .
If things feel like they are going too quickly , take a time out , take some deep breaths , take a drink of water — pay attention to where you are feeling stress and bring some relaxation and compassion to that area . Count to 10 , then count backward from 10 , then count to 10 by evens , then backward with odds … focus on something that isn ’ t the score , broaden your perspective , feel the sense of gratitude that you exist at all .
SECURITY
Do you have a best friend , a family member , a place on this planet , or another source where you feel a sense of security or grounding when you are stressed ? Not to go too deep into the psychology of it , but secure connection calms our nerves . If you have something that you are securely attached to — a phrase , a person , a ritual — continue to use it . If you don ’ t , that ’ s something worth finding . That ’ s where true comfort and soothing are found .
GROWTH
What seemed like an impossible mountain to climb a year ago seems like a speed bump today . Not that the fear has decreased , but that your ability to confront it has increased . You used to be afraid to go to your local community center and now you can compete at Nationals . Good for you ! That ’ s what the hero does — gets to the point of limitation , challenges it , and then grows due to the process . Good luck on the courts ! •
Michael Morgan is a licensed mental health professional in sports and performance psychology and momentum counseling . He is sponsored by Team ONIX .
SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2021 | MAGAZINE 47