scene on the court
Occasional Observations from a Pickleball Curmudgeon
By Craig Laughlin
Nowhere Man in No Man ’ s Land
Recently , while listening to a Beatles song on
Sirius XM , I was inspired — but first , some context .
I divide the folks I encounter at local rec play around the country into three groups :
1 ) The Just for Fun Crowd . These folks may or may not have the physical skills to play at a higher level , but simply don ’ t aspire to do so . They ’ re just there for the exercise and the social aspects of the game . If a better player runs them all over the court because they ’ re out of position , they ’ re happy to have had the exercise . These are genuinely nice people who offer a heartfelt “ Nice shot !” after you hit a winner at their toes as they stand in No Man ’ s Land . I enjoy playing with these people , as long as I adjust my expectations to match theirs .
2 ) The Wishful Thinkers . Most of these people have the physical skills to play better than they do , but they either refuse to learn and employ basic strategy and technique , or think they already know it all . These are the people who , when you suggest they move all the way up to the kitchen line , say , “ That doesn ’ t work for me .”
They stand at the baseline when you are getting ready to receive a serve , and when you say , “ You ’ re up ,” they say , “ I ’ m good .” They get frustrated when they lose , and try to get better by working harder at doing it wrong . When they get their toenails painted in No Man ’ s Land , they say , “ I should have had that !” or “ My reactions are too slow .” These people make me crazy .
3 ) The Serious Players . Whether they are 2.5 beginners , or 5.0 pros , serious players study the game and try to implement what they ’ ve learned . They go for the smart shots , and do their best to make their opponents set them up . They get to the kitchen line with their partners and try to defend the court from there .
They usually like to win , but the Serious Players who are fun to play with can enjoy the game even when they lose . These are the folks I love playing with .
Although I couldn ’ t figure out how to make my new lyrics gender neutral , this is for all the Wishful Thinkers ( sung to the tune of the Beatles ’ “ Nowhere Man ”)… He ’ s a real nowhere man Standing there in No Man ’ s Land Dodging balls he just popped up for somebody
Doesn ’ t even have a clue Knows not what he ought to do Isn ’ t he a bit like how you used to be ? Nowhere man , please listen You don ’ t know what you ’ re missing Nowhere man , your pickleball game ’ s got no command
He ’ s as blind as he can be Just sees what he wants to see Nowhere man , can you see me at all ? Nowhere man , please worry Learn the game , please hurry Listen up when somebody tries To lend you a hand Ah , la , la , la , la
Doesn ’ t even have a clue Can ’ t do what he wants to do Isn ’ t he a bit like how you used to be ? Nowhere man , please listen You don ’ t know what you ’ re missing If you ’ d just get to the net , you might understand Ah , la , la , la , la
He ’ s a real nowhere man Standing there in No Man ’ s Land Dodging balls he just popped up for somebody Dodging balls he just popped up for somebody Dodging balls he just popped up for somebody •