Growing Up
Characters : Beef : Male , Lumberjack , Buff , Bulky , Ignorant , Low IQ Mr . Maple : Beef ’ s boss , Male , Kind Officer Oak : Police officer , Male , Friendly , Responsible Mrs . Rosaline : Senior Citizen , Female , Lives in a Nursing Home , Kind
Scene 1
( BEEF is in a forest chopping down trees stage left . Mr . Maple enters stage right .)
Beef ! I have news .
MR . MAPLE
( BEEF pauses his cutting down of the tree and turns to his boss .)
What is it , sir ?
BEEF
MR . MAPLE The state just put a limit on how many trees we can cut down each month , and we ’ re already over it . You ’ re my most valuable and eager worker , but I ’ m going to have to tell you to go home . Come back on the first of next month .
( overreacting ) What ? But , sir-
BEEF
MR . MAPLE Beef , we can ’ t cut down any more trees . Anyone who does will be convicted for illegal logging . Go home . Spend time with your family . Go on vacation .
( Mr . Maple exits stage right .)
BEEF This is absurd ! Why would there be limits on logging ? It ' s such a great job ! I can make money and become buff at the same time ! I ’ ll never stop , unless I ' m caught !
( BEEF continues cutting down trees , and lights go down .)
1