PEOPLE
DON’T BE SHY, BE SPECIFIC
BY JT TERRELL, CERTIFIED PETRA COACH
DEAR READERS,
I CAN FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IN
FIVE MINUTES!
OK, that’s a bit much, but I do have a few
best practices for bringing clarity into your
world and its interactions. If you like the
sound of that, read on.
Whether it’s a client who wants to know
if I can really produce all of the good results
I am laying out in a proposal, or Mrs. Terrell
(my awesome wife) giving me real-time
feedback (OR anyone else for that matter),
I really prefer knowing where I stand with
people. On the contrary: not everyone
operates that way, but they should. It really
helps take a lot of the guesswork out of our
relationships and makes the “give and take”
of personal interactions a bit easier.
So, I say it’s time for all of us to stop
hiding behind our “shyness” and be bold in
our wants and needs from the folks inside
of our organizations, families, churches, and
everywhere else. It’s time to tell the people
in our lives what success looks like to us and
see whether or not they want to be a part of
our own personal new world order. By the
way, sometimes the answer to our requests
will be “No.” At least you’ll find out quickly
that someone doesn’t want to join you on
your journey of discovery, and you won’t
waste precious time dragging them along.
Ultimately, every relationship we have
is personal and a living thing, whether they
exist at home or in a business setting. Let’s
start with the business setting.
All too often in my work with Petra
Coach, we engage with with leaders who
wonder why they are getting substandard
or inconsistent results from their direct
reports, when they have never actually
indicated what specific results they want
from their roles. That is a failure on the
leader’s part, not the employee’s. How about
we change that, starting today? Let’s have
individual clarifying conversations with our
teammates and get everyone on the same
page. If that sounds good to you, here’s a
primer on how to make those conversations
happen:
First, when you are doing something
different or new with one person or an entire
company, tell them why. This establishes
importance and enlists their buy-in. Here’s
how to say it: “Hey guys, over the next week,
I want to talk to each of you individually to
set expectations of your roles so that I can
properly coach you moving forward. Be
thinking about your keys to success and let’s
have a great conversation about them!”
Once you get into the individual “chats,”
you’ll need to set the key performance
indicators (KPIs) for your direct report. Start
your conversation with the words “Here’s
what I need to see from you….” Then lay out
the specific and measurable outcomes that
constitute success or failure in your view. At
this point, your counterpart will be nodding in
agreement with a blank expression on their
face, so make sure they fully understand
what you’re talking about, and once you have
that confidence, ask them “Do you feel like
you can produce those results?”
If the answer is “Yes,” then thank them for
the chat and set up a rhythm for meetings
where you can check in with them, review their
results, and maintain coaching opportunities.
If the answer is “No,” it may be accompanied
by their opinions on the desired outcomes
and potential roadblocks, and there will be a
good discussion about what is feasible in that
12
role. Maybe the expectations will change, or
maybe they won’t, but clarity will be achieved
for both of you, and that is always a good
thing. In some cases, that clarity might also
include a decision to take them out of that
role, but at least you’ll know today and not six
unproductive months from now.
During those check-ins, be sure to
celebrate good work and achievements
as vehemently as you would point out
shortcomings and room for improvement.
This is critically important, and much easier
to do if you’ve laid out the measures of
success clearly.
Not nearly as easily done, however, are
these same chats performed with our wives,
husbands, and kids. But I will always argue
they are even more necessary because the
stakes are much higher. If a lack of clarity
is causing stress and acrimony at home,
these kinds of conversations can go a long
way toward straightening things out. Just
make sure that you remember no one in
this setting is getting paid to listen to your
ideas of success, and they damn sure might
not agree. You’ll need to be prepared for
some real pushback and also be prepared to
receive feedback yourself, which can be very
hard to accept. The good news is that when
the feedback comes from the people we
love, and we trust that they love us, it can be
transformative.
If you make the time to focus on your
family, instead of just your growing
company, your family will recognize it and
reward you for it.
So, there it is: everything you need to fix
your relationships in a five-minute read.
What else would you like me to talk about?
Music? Don’t get me started.