human-animal bond to come in. I didn’ t let her in because I didn’ t know how to be together with her. I was sober, but I didn’ t know how to give or receive love.
I looked at her, and no matter how aloof I was towards her, she just wanted to be close to me. In her, I saw the fear of abandonment. It was like looking in a mirror.
The neighbours began to complain about the constant wailing, so I opened the door and said to her,“ Look, I never wanted you. Either I’ m going to have you put down, or we need to become sisters, but I can’ t handle the tension any more.” interaction develops between two souls when the goal is trust.
The biggest shift was the concept of unwavering positive regard for the other. I had to see that quality in Bonkie first, before I could apply it to myself and others.
A different kind of sobriety
I’ ve been sober for six years now. It took two years for me to realise that everything I’ d learned in dog school also applies to humans. Owners need the training more than the dog does. Fatty Boom-Boom Stinkypants, aka Bonkie, became a reflection, a physician, and a mentor.
Rehab can’ t do that for you.
I am grateful for all AA did for me, but a dog allows you to live your story without judgment or editing. The dog simply bears witness with unconditional love.
In AA they teach you about the 12 steps to alcohol recovery. Sorry – it didn’ t make any sense to me, but the one thousand steps with Bonkie made me emotionally sober.
There is a difference between understanding and changing, and sometimes you need an animal to learn how to be human.
She ran through the open door, wriggled under the blankets, and lay there looking at me with wide eyes. And just like that, we became sisters.
Lessons from dog school
It took me about a year of dog training before I understood the principle of reciprocity with a dog. Bailey’ s K9 Dog School in Germiston was patient in helping me understand that dogs give back what you give them. It’ s not about power and control; it’ s about communication.
… the drunk is often someone who doesn’ t know how to give and accept love. And sometimes it takes a dog to teach people that.
At first I got angry when the dog disregarded me.“ The dog doesn’ t want to listen,” I complained. Slowly, I learned that the dog was not being disobedient; she just didn’ t understand me. My tone and intent were too belligerent and unpredictable.
I had made the same mistake with people.
Step by step, I learned the principles of consistency and consequence. A special
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