"We mess up a lot."
"Yeah. But we still get back up. Even if the recovery is sloppy."
"I just. . ." Past me takes a deep breath, preparing herself, "I feel like if I was the main character of a book, everyone would hate me, because I'm whiny and I don't do anything."
"Well, it's a good thing nobody else is in your head then, isn't it? You can't change how you think other people will react to you. You can only change how you'll react to you. And how you'll react to everything else. Do the very best you can. And screw what anyone else thinks."
“And yet here you are, writing all about yourself for the world to read." Victoria grins, open mockery on her young face now.
I roll my eyes. "Just because I’m working on not needing validation doesn't mean I don't like the attention." I laugh, "Besides, it's good to get my thoughts out there. Even if they're self-centered. Maybe they'll help someone."
"You're being self-grandiose."
"Maybe."
I look into her face and I can't help but see all the things I dislike about myself. She's over optimistic and naive. She gets into fights all the time and never backs down from anything, even when she really, really should. But she's also a child. She's still just learning and starting out. I'm not actually that much further along. I have a lot to learn, and maybe I could do with learning a little more self-compassion.
There are a lot of things about me that I don't always like. I'm not the person that high school - me had hoped I would be. But I am a lot of things that I don't think I ever realized I needed to be. I'm trying to learn to be kind to myself. One day at a time.
24 PEONY MAGAZINE