WELLNESS
Why is it so hard? For starters, we are usually preparing our responses and thinking of what we want to say rather than truly listening. We also can go quickly into“ fix-it” mode, which feels like a generous move, but really shifts our focus from what another person is asking for or telling us. Sometimes we are rushed, distracted, overwhelmed or emotionally activated, which leads to a breakdown in how we absorb information. No wonder it is hard to listen! We have to work against all of these other impulses while simultaneously gathering our attention toward one person’ s verbal expressions. As I mentioned, it takes practice.
Learning to listen well is more than worth the effort. Listening well helps us know the story behind the story. We get clearer on the how and why. Listening well not only creates connection, but it also offers another person the feeling of being seen, heard and known. Listening well also gives us a better chance to meet expectations and hopes. We can save ourselves time, energy, effort and even money when we truly listen and don’ t assume, react or quickly try to solve.
Here are some quick reference responses to promote listening well:
“ Thank you for telling me.”
“ Would you like to tell me more?”
“ I would like to think about this before responding.”
“ I am glad to listen to your thoughts / concerns / requests.”
“ Listening to your thoughts and ideas helps me to understand better.”
Making eye contact, slowing down for faster connection and learning to listen well are a few of the many skills we can incorporate into our communication skill set.
Quality communication is a work in progress, and creating a relational connection is a long-term project. With some practice, these three strategies will become natural and easy to apply. Join me in making it a priority. Our loved ones will thank us. n
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