Filling Your Invisible Bucket
In the past few years a series of childrenʼs books have been pub-
lished teaching youngsters about “filling your invisible bucket.”
The books are based on a single concept that each of us carries
around an invisible bucket. These buckets are constantly emptied
or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. Every time
someone is treated with kindness and respect it results in a good
feeling that puts a drop in the bucket. When our bucket is full, we
feel great. When itʼs empty, we feel awful This matters because
we all know that when we feel awful we do not function as our best
selves.
In addition to an invisible bucket, we each have a “dipper.” We
use that dipper to take from or add to other peopleʼs buckets. When
we say or do things that create positive emotions in someone we
add a drop to their bucket. When we say or do things that create
negative feelings we dip from their bucket. Very important to this
idea of “bucket filling,” each time we use our ability to fill other
peopleʼs buckets we also add to our own. But when we use a dip-
per to dip from someoneʼs buckets – by saying or doing things that
decrease their positive emotions – we deplete our own buckets.
This simple metaphor is relevant to caregivers as well. Research
has identified parts of the brain known as the “pleasure center.”
When activated, this group of brain cells emits chemicals that give
us a feeling of pleasure, reinforcing the desire to repeat that behav-
ior. The “reward circuitry” is activated in predictable ways, from
eating sweets to laughter to certain types of drug use. Interestingly,
the reward center doesnʼt kick in only when we eat something deli-
cious or observe something funny. Generosity or kindness toward
others will also activate that brain circuitry, MRI studies show that
when we perform an act of kindness, the brainʼs reward center is
triggered and we experience feelings of pleasure.
Additionally, new research shows that our brains are hard wired
to require a certain amount of pleasure or reward every day. If we
donʼt get enough from our daily activities we end up with a “reward
deficiency” that may lead either to depression and anxiety or risky
pleasure seeking behaviors (such as drugs, alcohol, or over-eating).
The take-away for caregivers is this: Each day your care receiver
needs to have their “reward pathways” activated if they are to
function well emotionally, mentally and physically. You can help
them with that in two ways. First, make an effort to add to their
“invisible bucket” through small but frequent positive interactions
(research has shown the magic ratios is five positive for every one
negative interaction). Second , help them learn that filling otherʼs
peopleʼs buckets will actually add to their own. The truth is, in the
process you will foil your own bucket at the same time.
I know this to be true after caring for my father for several years.
Our invisible buckets were overflowing with the love, kindness and
laughter we brought to each other. Even after my father passed
away in 2016 at 93,” filling my invisible bucket” carries on with
armfuls of grace.
– Gayle, PCC Resident
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