PBCBA BAR BULLETINS pbcba_bulletin_February 2019 - Page 21

WELLNESS & HEALTH C o r n e r PERSONAL RULES OF EMOTIONAL PROCEDURE BRIAN M. MOSKOWITZ The Florida Supreme Court updates Rules of Procedure to stay current with changing times. One such change, effective January 1, 2019, amended court procedural rules for service via email to remove the five extra days allowed for service by regular U.S. mail. Since email service is nearly instantaneous, it made sense to update the rules and remove the five extra days. early was on time, on time was late, and late was benched. After living by that rule for four years and getting “good” results I adopted the rule as my own. The rule worked well for years, as long as people were on time. If you followed the rules and were on time, I was happy. If you broke the rules and were late, I got angry. Then I got married and quickly learned that The change got me thinking about whether my then wife had a different set of rules it was time to update my Personal Rules of around being on time. My rule was now Procedure, specifically the rules that apply causing me a lot more pain than pleasure, to emotions. What about you? When was so I updated the rule. the last time you revised your Personal Rules of Emotional Procedure? Wait…you Over the years I’ve updated my rules for didn’t know you had rules that guide your most emotions. My new rules make it easy emotions? You sure do. And those rules to feel healthy, happy, loved, grateful, and dictate how you view yourself, how you see other pleasurable emotions, and hard to feel the world, and how you interact with other angry, disappointed, depressed, jealous, and people. other painful emotions. Have you ever said to someone, or had someone say to you, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do A, B, or C?” In this example, the A, B, and C are rules for feeling loved. If your rules are followed, you’ll feel loved. But if someone breaks your rules, ouch! Here’s my rule for feeling grateful: Anytime I wake up and I’m above ground or breathe or have food to eat or a roof over my head or a car to drive or clean clothes to wear or I can move my body, or see, hear, feel, taste, or speak. And here’s my rule for feeling angry: Only if I were to consistently show And like the Supreme Court giving you inappropriate anger instead of realizing the rules for practicing law, someone gave that everyone has different rules and they you the rules for experiencing emotions. are not doing things to me – they are just Your rules came from the people you most living by their own rules. respected during your childhood. The messages you received from your parents, What about you? Are your rules helping or siblings, teachers, friends, and even hurting you? Take an objective look and television shows and movies, shaped your update the rules that no longer serve you. If beliefs and formed your rules. You picked the Florida Supreme Court can update the up little pieces along the way, kept the ones rules, so can you. you liked and discarded the ones you didn’t like. That left you with a set of rules that help you determine whether something is Brian M. Moskowitz practices Marital & “good” or “bad.” Family Law in Palm Beach County. He also coaches attorneys and other professionals You then live your life according to the rules to be their very best every day at work and you adopted decades ago. Having rules is at home. Brian can be reached at [email protected] not a bad thing, the challenge is when the MoskLaw.com. rules become unreasonable or outdated and start causing more pain than pleasure. That’s when you need to reevaluate and update your rules. I played baseball in High School and my coach had a rule about when you had to arrive for practices and games: 5 minutes PBCBA BAR BULLETIN 21 The Judicial Relations Committee presents Coffee and Bagels with the Judges Tuesday, February 12, 2019 Looking for a chance to socialize with the Judges of the 15th Judicial Circuit and oth- er local attorneys? Then please join us the second Tuesday of each month for Coffee and Bagels with the Judges, from 7:45 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. in the north end of the cafeteria at the main courthouse. This is a series of fun, casual events meant to foster relation- ships and dialogue between the judiciary and members of the bar. A bonus for at- tending is that those who have a UMC hear- ing that morning can sign-up to be called first once the hearings begin. We hope to see you at the next one on Tuesday, Febru- ary 12, 2019. No registation is required. Mark your calendars for the following dates for Coffee and Bagels with the Judges: Tuesday, March 12 Tuesday, April 9 Tuesday, May 14 Tuesday, June 11