PBCBA BAR BULLETINS pbcba_bulletin_February 2019 | Page 21

WELLNESS & HEALTH C o r n e r
PERSONAL RULES OF EMOTIONAL PROCEDURE
BRIAN M. MOSKOWITZ
The Florida Supreme Court updates Rules
of Procedure to stay current with changing
times. One such change, effective January
1, 2019, amended court procedural rules
for service via email to remove the five
extra days allowed for service by regular
U.S. mail. Since email service is nearly
instantaneous, it made sense to update the
rules and remove the five extra days.
early was on time, on time was late, and
late was benched. After living by that rule
for four years and getting “good” results I
adopted the rule as my own.
The rule worked well for years, as long as
people were on time. If you followed the
rules and were on time, I was happy. If you
broke the rules and were late, I got angry.
Then I got married and quickly learned that
The change got me thinking about whether my then wife had a different set of rules
it was time to update my Personal Rules of around being on time. My rule was now
Procedure, specifically the rules that apply causing me a lot more pain than pleasure,
to emotions. What about you? When was so I updated the rule.
the last time you revised your Personal
Rules of Emotional Procedure? Wait…you Over the years I’ve updated my rules for
didn’t know you had rules that guide your most emotions. My new rules make it easy
emotions? You sure do. And those rules to feel healthy, happy, loved, grateful, and
dictate how you view yourself, how you see other pleasurable emotions, and hard to feel
the world, and how you interact with other angry, disappointed, depressed, jealous, and
people.
other painful emotions.
Have you ever said to someone, or had
someone say to you, “If you loved me, you
wouldn’t do A, B, or C?” In this example, the
A, B, and C are rules for feeling loved. If your
rules are followed, you’ll feel loved. But if
someone breaks your rules, ouch!
Here’s my rule for feeling grateful: Anytime
I wake up and I’m above ground or breathe
or have food to eat or a roof over my head
or a car to drive or clean clothes to wear or
I can move my body, or see, hear, feel, taste,
or speak. And here’s my rule for feeling
angry: Only if I were to consistently show
And like the Supreme Court giving you inappropriate anger instead of realizing
the rules for practicing law, someone gave that everyone has different rules and they
you the rules for experiencing emotions. are not doing things to me – they are just
Your rules came from the people you most living by their own rules.
respected during your childhood.
The
messages you received from your parents, What about you? Are your rules helping or
siblings, teachers, friends, and even hurting you? Take an objective look and
television shows and movies, shaped your update the rules that no longer serve you. If
beliefs and formed your rules. You picked the Florida Supreme Court can update the
up little pieces along the way, kept the ones rules, so can you.
you liked and discarded the ones you didn’t
like. That left you with a set of rules that
help you determine whether something is Brian M. Moskowitz practices Marital &
“good” or “bad.”
Family Law in Palm Beach County. He also
coaches attorneys and other professionals
You then live your life according to the rules to be their very best every day at work and
you adopted decades ago. Having rules is at home. Brian can be reached at Brian@
not a bad thing, the challenge is when the MoskLaw.com.
rules become unreasonable or outdated
and start causing more pain than pleasure.
That’s when you need to reevaluate and
update your rules.
I played baseball in High School and my
coach had a rule about when you had to
arrive for practices and games: 5 minutes
PBCBA BAR BULLETIN 21
The Judicial Relations Committee presents
Coffee and Bagels with the Judges
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Looking for a chance to socialize with the
Judges of the 15th Judicial Circuit and oth-
er local attorneys? Then please join us the
second Tuesday of each month for Coffee
and Bagels with the Judges, from 7:45 a.m.
to 8:30 a.m. in the north end of the cafeteria
at the main courthouse. This is a series of
fun, casual events meant to foster relation-
ships and dialogue between the judiciary
and members of the bar. A bonus for at-
tending is that those who have a UMC hear-
ing that morning can sign-up to be called
first once the hearings begin. We hope to
see you at the next one on Tuesday, Febru-
ary 12, 2019. No registation is required.
Mark your calendars for the
following dates for Coffee and
Bagels with the Judges:
Tuesday, March 12
Tuesday, April 9
Tuesday, May 14
Tuesday, June 11