Parvati Magazine February 2014 - Sobriety1 | Page 19

BOOKS

O

ne of the greatest
sources of unsober
behavior - whether expressed in overt forms
such as substance abuse
or compulsive spending,
or in subtle forms such as
drama, manipulation or
self-pity - is a sense of victimhood, of life happening TO us. This is especially
the case for those who
had a painful childhood
in some way. Whether we
had a wonderful childhood or we grew up with
loss, abuse, alcoholism or
other dysfunction, unless
we were raised by enlightened saints there were
probably times where our
emotional needs were
not met. These circumstances can shape the
outlook of a child seeking security and love. We
may learn, for example,
not to expect someone to
understand when we are
hurting, or to shut off our
emotions, or to act in the
way we think will bring us
approval. These tendencies, if unacknowledged
and unaddressed, continue to play out in our adult
life and limit us from being
our full and natural selves.

Wayne Muller, a Harvardeducated minister and
therapist, suggests in his
book “Legacy of the Heart
- The Spiritual Advantages
of a Painful Childhood”
that instead of using these
painful experiences as a
way to play and replay
a sense of “why me?”,
they can become a tool
for healing and spiritual
growth. This may be a
challenging position for
those who feel that their
suffering is just too great,
their story too complex,
their pain exceptional,
and that they should not
have to find any good in
it. Yet this is exactly one of
the pitfalls we can fall into
on the path of recovering
from painful experiences,
one to which addicts and
borderline addicts of any
type are especially prone:
that of a certain grandiosity, an attachment to the
dramatic idea that we
are exceptional whether
in talent or in suffering.
Muller addresses this and
eleven other manifestations of childhood sorrow
and shares how clients

have moved through
these painful tendencies.
He offers guided meditations to help the reader in their own journey
through these tendencies into greater self-love
and self-awareness. Muller operates with keen
and compassionate understanding of the ways
we can tie ourselves into
knots over painful experiences, and helps to undo
them without any sense of
pushing or forcing.
“Legacy of the Heart”
glows with spiritual understanding and compassion. We highly recommend this book for anyone
dealing with painful experiences in their childhood,
but especially those who
may be working a twelvestep program, on a spiritual path or otherwise committing to greater sobriety
in their life. Sitting down
with this book and really
engaging with its healing
process is a great gift to
yourself.