ways to connect
with your kid
Play with food
Even tense emotions can be disarmed with flour and icing. While new recipes may be best
left for another time, many staples – pancakes, omelettes,
stir-frys – are forgiving on the
detail, come together fast and
involve an irresistible mix of stirring, sprinkling and chatter.
Ask questions
Rest from the pressure of knowing the answers and ask good questions.
Powerful questions, asked from outside your child’s current point of view, can expand their world so that you have room in it. Ask what makes them scared; how you can love them better; or why you should give Justin Bieber a chance.
Plan together
Try sharing control with your kids: let them pick between two purchases you can live with; let them
choose party decorations, a few of the new bathroom tiles, or their own
punishments. They will revel in their legacy, and you will glean a lot about their state of heart – just be willing to improvise a little!
Speak the love language
If you haven’t delved into the five love languages (quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and touch), look them up. Loving
your kids in a way they understand may allow you to better fight against the clock and you may discover that your kids are loving you in ways you are not attuned to.
Develop a family manifesto
Deeper than any lie they may be living, your kids have a pretty clear picture of the kind of family they crave for, so ask them. Co-create
what you stand for together, what makes you different, and make it into an artifact in your home: a family logo, a sculpture, or even a painting on a Dollar-store canvas.
Re-watch an old classic
Sometimes, there is nothing you can say or do right, so the moment may be better spent reliving nurturing memories: for
the brain, they are as good as new. Blow up the spare mattress, throw in cushions and sleeping bags, make popcorn and watch ET, Gremlins or The Little Mermaid.
Make new memories
Especially in the world of Instagram and SnapChat, aim for what you knew as Kodak moments. Check if there is a
scavenger hunt in your area, an art demo, a visiting circus, a costumed charity run or even a baking class. If all else fails, get a canvas, some acrylic, and paint with hands. The messier, the better!
Ask for help
And if your teenager won’t be seen in public with you, ask for help. Carve out a bit of space on your credit card and request a music play list (they get to keep a copy), have them set you up
with the best new app or review something for your work that you need to resonate for younger (than you) people.
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Relationships
winter 2017 PSG 20