When Should You Get Your Kid a Phone ?
It ’ s not just a question of the right age
By Danielle Cohen , Child Mind Institute
It ’ s a rite of passage for parents of tweens : By the time your child is 10 or 12 , she decides that she must have a cell phone because if she can ’ t text and talk to her friends her social life will be “ ruined .” You may be skeptical about that , but the idea has some appeal to you , too : As she begins to become independent , you want to be able to keep in touch with her , especially if she has started traveling alone .
But the prospect of the cell phone comes with a host of concerns :
• Cost : Should you spend money ( in some cases , upwards of $ 200 ) on an object that a child could so easily lose or break ?
• Runaway data charges : Your bill can skyrocket without your kid understanding that she ’ s costing you money , and we ’ ve all read stories of children naively charging small fortunes to their parents ’ credit cards on games and other apps .
• Crossing the line : What if your child texts or posts something inappropriate or even sexually explicit ? Mistakes can be damaging and permanent .
• Getting hurt : The more ever-present the mobile device is the higher the threat of cyberbullying . It ’ s also possible , through social media , for kids to be painfully aware of what they ’ re missing out on .
• Checking out : And finally , there ’ s the terrifying image of your child arriving at the dinner table , phone in hand , and remaining glued to the screen throughout the meal . For many parents , the most threatening aspect of the phone is how attentionsucking it is .
Given the risks , should kids have cell phones and how do you decide when it ’ s the right time to take the plunge ?
It ’ s not just about age
Jerry Bubrick , a clinical psychologist and anxiety expert at the Child Mind Institute , says he is asked this question often by parents with kids between 10 and 12 .
“ I tell parents that it ’ s not so much about a particular age as it is about a kid ’ s social awareness and understanding of what the technology means ,” Dr . Bubrick explains . “ You could have a really immature 15-year-old who ’ s acting out on the phone , but you give it to him because he ’ s 15 , whereas a really socially mature 12-year-old could handle it better .”
Dr . Bubrick recommends considering these issues :
• How often does your child lose things , especially expensive things ? If you tell her something is extra important , does she take special care of it or leave it on the bus after a few days ?
• How well does your child handle money ? Will she be in the middle of a game and impulsively buy more lives without considering their cost ?
• Consider how easily your kid picks up on social cues . If she ’ s slow to catch on , this deficit could be aggravated in texting and posting on social media . Dr . Bubrick cites an example of a child repeatedly messaging her friends with the word “ hey ” and not understanding why no one responds .
• How savvy is your child about technology ? Does she truly understand that future college admissions staff , employers and colleagues could conceivably see anything she posts now ?
• How well does your child do with limits to screen time ? If he is constantly glued to the computer or game console , he will probably have difficulty putting down the phone as well .
10 | ST JOHNS Parent MAGAZINE