Perspective taking is more than empathy—feeling sorry
for another person. It’s also about figuring out how
others think and feel. Children learn to understand the
intent of other’s actions and this often avoids conflict.
All of us prefer to spend time with people who are
tuned in to our point of view. We tend to avoid those
who are critical or highly competitive. We want to be
with those who understand us. Children who can go
beyond their own needs and care about the needs
and problems of others will be more successful in
both learning and building friendships. This is called
“understanding the other.”
HOW TO PROMOTE PERSPECTIVE TAKING
By being intentional in developing perspective taking
in your children, you’ll give them many opportunities
to recognize and practice the skill of understanding the
needs of others. You’ll give them alternative behaviors
to use when a potentially problematic situation arises.
You may find that returning to an earlier problem and
talking it through after the fact is more beneficial than
trying to teach the skill in “the heat of the moment.”
Children who feel safe and accepted are more able
to enter into problem-solving discussions than those
who feel harshly judged and “wrong or bad.” It’s good
to remember that feelings are not wrong in and of
themselves, but it’s the way we act on them that can
cause conflict.
Here are some ways to enter into conversation with
your child to build the skill of perspective-taking.
» » Ask leading questions such as “What could that
person be thinking? Feeling?”
» » Practice problem-solving in steps. What is the
problem? What do we want? What can we do? And
did we succeed? You might want to make a simple
chart to use when walking through a real-life
conflict.
» » Model language that leads to a resolution, not
more conflict. For example you might say, “You’re
upset. Maybe you need some quiet time.”
» » Listen to your child’s ideas and reassure them of
unconditional love.
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