regularly practice gentle parenting use connection , communication and consistency to have success .
But what about discipline ?
It ’ s a misconception that gentle parenting does not utilize discipline , however , it ’ s the style and way discipline is implemented . Gentle parenting emphasizes redirection rather than punishment .
It also separates the behavior from the emotions . A child might feel scared , angry , shy , etc ., but hitting , screaming and throwing because of this feeling is not acceptable : the feeling is warranted , the action is not acceptable . According to the toddler experts behind Big Little Feelings , toddlers ’ brains are still developing . At this stage , the capacity for self-regulation has yet to emerge . By modeling behavior through your own responses , you ’ re demonstrating the appropriate and measured actions to your child .
Ok , how do I try this ?
Say your kids are opening gifts . One is playing with a new toy and the other wants a turn , so they hit the other child to take it . Big Little Feelings recommends following these four steps :
ཞ See them ( empathy ) ཞ Validate feeling ( respect ) ཞ Set boundaries ( understanding ) ཞ Act on the boundary ( boundary ) Here ’ s a scenario breakdown following those steps :
1 . See them ( empathy ) � “ I see that you ’ re upset because you want to play with your sister ’ s new toy .”
2 . Validate Feeling ( respect ) � “ It wasn ’ t kind of her . It ’ s OK to feel upset , but I can ’ t allow you to hit her .”
3 . Set boundaries ( understanding ) � “ It ’ s not ok to hit someone .”
4 . Act on the boundary ( boundary ) � “ I ’ m going to hold your hand to keep everyone safe .”
It may take some adjusting and concerted effort , but over time , the difference is abundantly clear . While punishment-based ( authoritative ) options may seem to work , ultimately , they are fear-based and encourage negative self-feelings . Also , they force the brain into fight or flight , restricting the brain ’ s ability to think effectively . Bottom line : Kids cannot learn in this frame of mind . It restricts their ability to connect the dots for next time .
So , when it all hits the fan on your holiday escapades , remember to breathe deep and try a little gentleness . Not only are you creating mentally healthy kids , but you ’ re also cultivating positive habits for the whole family .
Want more ? Check out these accounts for insights , tips and tricks :
@ thegentlemamma @ biglittlefeelings @ ourmamavillage @ lizzy . gentleparenting @ thegentlemama
• @ biglittlefeelings . ( 2021 , October 4 ). MANTRA TIME ! ALL FEELINGS ARE OK , ALL BEHAVIORS ARE NOT . Anger and sadness ? They get a bad rap . But [ Instagram post ]. Instagram .
www . instagram . com / p / CUnDeDrg1D7 /
• @ littlebigfeelings . ( 2021 , August 16 ). Spanking , threats , yelling , timeouts . They can work in the moment . They can stop that bad behavior in its tracks [ Instagram post ]. Instagram .
www . instagram . com / p / CSo7PRqrUY0 /
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