Eight Things Mindful Parents Do Differently By Christa Melnyk Hines
Stress or frustration in the midst of parenting can sometimes lead to hurtful , or unhelpful , remarks directed at our kids like : “ There ’ s no reason to cry .” “ Why can ’ t you be more like your sister ?!” or “ Hurry up !!”
Fortunately , as Maya Angelou once quipped , “ When you know better , you do better ”— and that ’ s the gentle place where mindful parenting begins .
What is mindful parenting ? “ Being a mindful parent doesn ’ t mean being a perfect parent ,” says Amy Zoe Schonhoff , a mindfulness trainer , educator and founder of Mindfulness in the Heartland . “ It means bringing awareness to the relationship we ’ re having with ourselves and with our child . We ’ re trying to bring more nonjudgmental acceptance to this process of parenting , both in terms of how we ’ re relating to ourselves and how we ’ re relating to our child .”
How do parents leaning into mindfulness parent differently ?
They care for themselves . Recognize when your tank is running low . When we ’ re hungry , tired , cranky , stressed from work or not feeling well , we ’ re more likely to say things we wish we hadn ’ t .
“ It ’ s natural for parents to say things they regret ,” says parent coach Julia Harkleroad , MS , LCMFT and facilitator of the project ON Parenting : Powerful Conversations to Raise Successful Kids . “ It ’ s excellent practice to understand the catalyst behind these statements and set up an environment that is more conducive to mindful , intentional responses .”
Create daily self-care rituals , like meditation , exercise or connecting with friends , which can help you better manage day-to-day stress .
They pause before reacting . We ’ re more likely to say something hurtful when emotions take the wheel .
“ Step one is to give yourself a time out when you feel like you are about to unload on your child — even if that means delaying needed correction of the child ,” says Mindy Hart , a divorce coach specializing in communication strategies and child-centered parenting . “ Better to delay and come back at a rational point than to cause emotional scars and disengagement of the child altogether .”
When you tell your child you need a break , you model healthy emotional regulation skills .
“ It ’ s good for our kids to see us doing this because we are modeling to them that they can do that too — that they can recognize when they ’ re getting dis-regulated and then hopefully take action ,” Schonhoff says .
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