Explore your Origin Story
Every superhero has an origin story and most of them include loss , betrayal , neglect or abuse . Your origin story and your relationship to it affect how you relate to yourself and your child ( and to all aspects of your life ).
A way to start or revisit your personal healing and origin story is to take the ACE assessment . ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and the assessment measures the amount of trauma an adult has experienced before the age of 18 . Divorce , addiction , mental health challenges , physical abuse and more are considered . A study done in collaboration with the CDC and Kaiser Permanente reveals that high ACE scores are the main culprit of employee absenteeism , the rising costs of medical care , multiple marriages , risky behaviors and early mortality .
Although the pain and trauma of your past are not your fault , it is your responsibility to heal . Be honest with yourself and know that no one endures life without struggle and discomfort . Be sure to rally a team of supporters and therapists who can help you with the inner work of walking victoriously along your own hero ’ s journey .
Practice active listening
When was the last time you felt really seen , heard and understood by someone ? What was their body language ? How did they talk ? How did they listen ? I am sure the moment made a positive impression - the type of impression you want to make in your children ’ s lives .
Children want and have the innate survival need to be seen , loved and safe . Studies show that active listening - hearing what the other person is saying and making sure that you understand the complete communication - helps to create positive neural pathways that nurture feelings of safety , trust and connection . In the leadership world , it is documented that consistently nurturing these pathways makes you someone that others want to follow . Active listening makes you a leader and to your child , that makes you a hero .
Honor and live from your core values
As mentioned earlier , superheroes demonstrate specific core values . Some of these include loyalty , courage , kindness , harmony , creativity and selflessness . What are your core values and what does your family “ stand for ”?
A fun exercise I suggest to my coaching clients is to enroll the family in identifying collective core values , finding or making images that represent them , coming up with a fun family superhero name ( a la “ The Incredibles ”) and then making a visual family emblem that can be displayed in the house . You can even get them printed on t-shirts . Allow your children to hold you accountable to those values just as much as you hold them accountable through your heroic leadership .
Be Human and Be Kind
Life is full of peaks and valleys , gains and loss , love and heartbreak . Normalize and demonstrate the healthy expression of emotion , conscious communication , forgiveness , repair and expansive self-care . Apologize when you make mistakes and do your best to keep your word . Overall , practice kindness - towards yourself and your child . This will surely elevate you to hero status in the hearts and eyes of your child .
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So before you cut off your child in mid-sentence or assume you know what they mean , take a deep breath , make sure you ’ re not doing anything else such as texting or watching a show , then get on your child ’ s level and be sure to look them in the eye . Allow them to complete their thought as you observe their body language and pay attention to their emotional tone as well as their words . Again , before you respond , breathe , consider any qualifying questions that will help you understand , then speak . Start with reflecting back on what you heard . Repeat … often .
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