PARDES
health
&
psychology
By Fiza Pirani
psychology and journalism
student at Emory University
How Will You Measure Your Life?
On Building Strong Relationships With Your Children
P
eople often say
that having a
high-paying job,
five degrees, or a
dashing résumé
are not worth
much if you have no one to share those
accomplishments with. It begs the daring
question, “How will you measure your life?”
It’s not surprising that relationships
are extremely important for health. There
is compelling evidence that strong and
healthy relationships are big factors for
a long, healthy, and happy life. We have
heard over and over again about the health
risks from isolation—depression and high
blood pressure. We can add a higher likeliness to begin cigarette smoking and obesity to that list, too.
So you get it. Relationships are important for your health—and healthy relationships with your children are some of the
most challenging to create nowadays. It’s
easy to get frustrated after a heated argument or because of a very apparent generation gap. There are several magazines that
focus on parenthood and how to resolve
this problem of miscommunication with
your children. However, let me offer you a
few ideas to strengthen your relationship
with your children. I believe I am blessed to
have very healthy relations with my parents
and I only hope that all families can share
this bond.
1
. Be supportive. This is my number
one tip. Many of you have sacrificed
a lot in your own lives to give your
children the best. Sometimes you
have fantasized that they may be an all-star
athlete, the valedictorian, or the country’s
most established surgeon. Realize that
your dreams are not always their dreams.
Guide them to be the best at what they
want to be. When they see how much you
care, they will run to you and want to share
their accomplishments with you.
. Quality time. Growing up at home,
it was mandatory to sit at the table
for dinner. There were no phones
allowed and it was wonderful. In
the past few years, that tradition has diminished, even in my household, but I really recommend that all families adopt this
habit. Some of the best conversations I’ve
ever had with my parents began at the din-
2
12 PARDES MAGAZINE I FEBRUARY 2014
3
ner table.
. Learn from them, too. It’s easy to
be authoritative and create a divide
between you and your children if
they fear you as their boss. Realize
that fear is not healthy in a relationship.
Be disciplined, but remember that your
children have more to offer than you expect. Let them teach you about things
you may not know and don’t feel ashamed
that you can learn from them, too.
According to Dr. Ruby Natale, professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School, a parent’s relationship with his or her child
will be reflected in the child’s actions.
“If you don’t have a good relationship
with your child, they’re not going to listen
to you,” explains Natale. “Think how you
relate to other adults. If you have a good
relationship with them, you tend to trust
them more, listen to their opinions, and
agree with them. If it’s someone we just
don’t like, we will ignore their opinion.”
Try to strengthen your relationships. It
may just make