Kids in care
How to ease their time away from you
Things to Do
Buy a teddy and make a jacket out of a familiar material to something you wore or out of a pillowcase they knew well. Spray a familiar perfume or body spray on it.
Older children. Even cheap items can often be engraved. Hand painted etc. Something simple like a hand painted mug (you can get special paints for this kind of thing) can mean a lot to the child. Keep in mind they don't like to be embarrassed so don't get to mushy.
Books are often a welcome gift for children of all ages. You can write their name inside the book but don't get tempted to write messages throughout the book.
A low cost CD player and some Cds of the childs favorite songs are often a great hit. If it is not agreed that the child have a low cost CD player (remember some caregivers do not want the responsibility of insuring expensive gifts are kept from damage, so second hand or cheap are best) then offer just the music CD. If that to is refused then keep it for yourself to play and use it to delight in the memory of the fun times you would all have together singing and dancing to the tunes. Or date the CD and put this in the collection box, with a note stating what were the favourate songs and any memories you may have that go along with it.
If religion has played a big part in your life remember the child doesn't want to hear from God while in care, the child wants to hear from you. Preaching to the child or calling social workers and caregivers 'from the devil' can be highly emotionally harming. Ask yourself would God be happy for you to harm your child in this way? You can however give a gift of a child's bible, or a small bag with a few nice words of comfort. Leave it at that. Insure access is child focused not God focussed as children can become frustrated and angry if this is all you have to talk about. They can also become guilty if church does not play a big part in their life now. Remember your children will never be lost to God, he knows they are in care.
If you do not believe in God but the caregivers do, or they have a different faith to your own:
Word your concern with the social worker. Many caregivers use church as a safer environment where children in care can socialize knowing there are other adults to watch over them while they play, this does not always mean they are active members. It is often not about conversion. Your child may connect with what is being discussed, remember children often will connect or seek connections with those around them. By the time they are adults many however are more able to decide for themselves. Anger helps no one. If your anger is seen as negative by your child then this will not help to retain the bond between you and may cause rifts. Love your child for who they are and know that deep down they will always be a part of you. These issues become of greater importance if your child is to remain in care permanently. Try to find within your heart some understanding of the importance of connections. It is just as important as them needing the connection with you.
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