Pacific Island Times PIT December 2018 Vol 3 No 12 | Page 5

Brief Chat
Antidote to entitlement
Dr. Michael Wetter recommends old-school
parenting in the modern world
By Johanna Salinas
“Parents should recognize
that when children
want something, there’s
more value in achieving
or earning it, than just
receiving it
T
he older generation perceives the millennials
as self-entitled and need to just work harder
to have a better life. How did millennials be-
come like this? Is it the new challenges of a chang-
ing society? Or is it something close to home?
Dr. Michael Wetter, a clinical practitioner and
best-selling author, believes the millennials are fully
to blame for their discomfort with today’s systems.
“There’s a difference in work ethic and responsi-
bility when you look at the Great Depression Era
and Baby Boomers and Gen Xers and the current
zeitgeist. It’s a lot to do with the parents of millen-
nials and how they raised them,” Wetter said. “This
is a product of the 1960s and 1970s, when there
was a shift in what was recommended in terms of
parentings, which was less about kids being pushed
to win and more about nurturing the child to support
them and build their confidence. Trophies weren’t
just for first, second and third place — everybody
gets a trophy because its great to just show up and
try your best. While I agree that it’s good to support
and encourage, you don’t necessarily always want to
reward just participating. While this didn’t exactly
impact those growing up during the 1970s and are
middle age now, it did have impact on they raised
their kids.”
Wetter held a book-signing at BestSeller in
Tamuning on Nov. 17 for his latest title, “Earn It:
What to Do When Your Kid Needs an Entitlement
Intervention.” The book guides parents on how to
raise children who won’t end up entitled. As a fa-
ther, Wetter raises his family to be hardworking and
self-sufficient. “It’s not about what you feel you’re
entitled to. It’s about what you can earn,” he said.
“You can nurture, support, even sometimes spoil
your children without them becoming entitled. For
example, if you have a 9-year-old and they want a
new Play Station, if you go out and buy it for them,
it can contribute to them feeling entitled. What they
learn in that moment is all they have to do is ask
and they can get it. Instead, ask your 9-year-old,
what they can do to earn that Play station.” Wetter
suggests having a child do extra chores or even
volunteer in the community in order to be rewarded
with a new item.
Wetter said parents should prepare their children
to have skills to cope with the challenges of modern
society. “Parents should recognize that when chil-
dren want something, there’s more value in achiev-
ing or earning it, than just receiving it. Another
practical skill is having conversations with your
kids,” Wetter said.
Children must learn that they can’t just snap
their fingers and can get what they want. “Let your
children know that you’re not saying ‘no’ because
they’re bad. Sometimes you have to say no because
you can’t afford to say ‘yes.’ Having those conversa-
tions with a 5 or 6-year-old isn’t taboo, that’s actual-
ly a good conversation to have. I disagree with kids
thinking, ‘I have expensive shoes and you should
like my shoes because its expensive.’ That’s brag-
ging. Parents must explain the value of things and
how we must work toward those things. It doesn’t
matter if you have a little money or a lot of money.
You still must plan accordingly.”
While some parents may just realize that they
haven’t taught their children how to earn it, Wetter
believes that it’s not too late to change. “It’s harder
for parents of teenagers to change, because teens
talk back,” said Wetter. “One of the first things I
encourage parents of teens to do is admit to them
that you’ve made a mistake. Say, ‘I should’ve
said no and set limits and had you work harder to
achieve certain things. We’re both going to have to
struggle now because we must change. Their teen
may say it’s unfair and unreasonable, but parents
must remain resolute. The key to any age-child is
to be consistent. If parents wavier or fluctuate, then
kids don’t know what to expect. The worst kind of
reinforcement is intermittent reinforcement because
then children never know what comes their way, so
they will just try everything to get what they want.”
Many may argue that as a society develops and
poverty decreases, more will feel entitled for things
they don’t necessarily need. “When we think of
entitlement, it’s about being focused on what we
want in the moment rather than what you need in
the future,” said Wetter. “It leads to impatience and
impulsiveness. Having a community-based ap-
proach, a mindful approach, is important. One thing
I advocate for in my book and in clinical practice
is volunteering. Stepping outside of yourself helps
recognize the benefit and value of others.”
“Earn It” is but a guide to better parenting and as
a doctor Wetter’s aware that parenting is not always
black and white. “There’s no such thing as perfect
parenting,” Wetter asserted. “We don’t necessarily
fail our children, but we don’t exhibit behaviors
or teach skills we intend to teach. Don’t try to be
perfect or create perfect children. Focus on kindness
and values, whatever your culture, racial or ethnic
backgrounds are. Focus on raising good, decent
children. Have them involved in the community and
create a sense of self that is sometimes greater than
themselves. These things are the antidote to entitle-
ment.”
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