“ It ’ s not real ,” I said , rolling my eyes . It couldn ’ t be real . But what if it was ? “ The key is real , and your name on the front is real ,” Mr . Smith countered . “ And the rabbit you had when you were six , Mr . Putters , he was real too .”
My mouth dropped open . I ’ d almost forgotten about Mr . Putters myself . He ’ d died the same year I ’ d gotten him .
“ You could know everything ,” said Mr . Smith in a low voice . “ Nothing would be uncertain , ever again .”
I thought of my history books , of all the wars and missed connections and tragedies that seemed so easy to avoid in hindsight . I thought of ships passing in the night , and that time in fourth grade when I ’ d agonized for weeks over who would end up being my teacher , even though the not-knowing didn ’ t bother any of the other kids in their last weeks of summer . I thought of the past year : college applications and campus visits and SAT studying and waiting for financial aid letters . I thought of sitting at the kitchen table with three acceptance letters in front of me . I didn ’ t know which to pick . I wasn ’ t sure which choice was right , or even which choices were wrong . Even now , I wasn ’ t completely sure of my decision , and it ate away at me in the quiet spaces between breaths . I thought of three years from now . Would I be holding a diploma ? Would I be unemployed and drowning in student-loan debt ? Would I be regretting all the decisions that led to that moment ?
But then I thought of my parents and the surprise party they threw on my thirteenth birthday , my siblings and friends blowing noise-makers and grinning and shouting and me , grinning in the middle of it too . I thought of the tiny happy thrill when I opened college letters and saw , “ We are pleased to offer you …” I thought of the beautiful delicious shock of seeing the ocean for the first time , on an unplanned detour on my college visits trip . I thought of the breathless roller coaster moment before the drop , and the trip in my heart the first time a boy asked me to dance , and the tiny pinprick of serendipitous pleasure as I picked a bright penny off the side walk .
“ You wouldn ’ t ever be uncertain again ,” Mr . Smith whispered . “ But once you open it , you can ’ t go back .”
I took a deep breath , smiled at Mr . Smith , and picked up the key .
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