6 | OutBoise Magazine | NEWS
Closet of the Beast
by Ezikiel Coy
He sat across from me in
the comfort of my home. I had just
made coffee and set up a small
workstation out of a TV tray, and
had my computer playing Pandora
quietly to help make my living room
more inviting. After exchanging
pleasantries and getting us each
a cup of coffee, I sat down across
from him with my computer off to
the side. I reminded him that we
wouldn’t be publishing his name,
or any information that I felt could
compromise his identity. He smiled,
and took a sip from his coffee, and
said “I’ve always liked the name
Mike, you can call me that.” Mike is
37, divorced just last year, and the
father of two young women.
For many of us in Idaho,
being openly gay is still potentially
social or professional suicide. While
the numbers of men or women who
aren’t openly gay are unknown, it is
important for the pioneers of sexual
orientation equality to understand
the phobias and anxieties that
come with hiding who you are.
Mike had been in the closet for
years, and he has been a friend of
mine for only a short period of time.
Since his divorce, he hasn’t spent
much time with his two daughters
because they live with their mother
out of state. Coming out of the
closet has turned his life upside
down for the last two years. He
didn’t so much choose to sit his wife
down and tell her, it was more of an
accident.
Like many closeted men,
Mike would find outlets for his sexual
identity. Usually, this would be short
hook-ups, though he did tell me
that for a while he had a boyfriend
outside of his marriage but it was too
difficult to be a family man, work full
time to provide for his family, and
OutBoise.com | Issue 5.2 | March 2015
run the risk of having a second relationship so he ended it. When asked
about his daughters, Mike choked
back tears and clutched his coffee
cup.
It’s a touchy subject, but
especially with the prevalence of
bills such as marriage amendments
and Add the Words, it’s important
for people to know clearly why our
community is fighting to get the
right to exist as we were born. I have
been hearing a lot about Don Dew
and his experience with disability
and sexual orientation discrimination while applying for a state job.
Clearly, there are still many hurdles
to overcome as we progress into
the 21st century. Mike’s situation
is made even worse because he
thought that without being “normal,” he would never be able to
have the family he always wanted.
Now, his entire family is all but lost to
him because he was living a life that
started out with lies as a foundation.
His father was “a good old
boy,” as he puts it. An old school
conservative and a devout Christian, he never wanted his father to
find out just how different they were.
“He would never accept me if I told
him. He still doesn’t know.” He sips
his coffee.
In Idaho, it is still possible for
homosexuals to be discriminated
against by their employers. The Add
the Words campaign has worked
tirelessly to add sexual and gender
identity to the Idaho human rights
bill, but so far in vain. One aspect of
this struggle is deeply influenced by
closeted homosexual and transgendered individuals. Without the
highest number of people actively
supporting social movements such
as the Add the Words campaign
there is no hope that such legislation will pass. Without the incentive
of safety and community to support
individuals it is also unlikely that they
will come forward with their sexual
identity. On the flip side of that as
well, legislation shows the public
what acceptable behavior is.
It fascinates me to see this
dynamic persevere so prevalently in
todays culture, when our gay forefathers have suffered and died in
order to achieve for us a relegated
second class status within this country. Without the state recognizing
the humanity and civil rights of the
LGBTQ community, what incentive
does that general population have
to treat us as equals? How are we
supposed to be perceived as human beings if we are consistently
being denied the same rights as
others within our own state? Thus, a
vicious cycle begins where pioneers
such as the drag queens of Stonewall create a movement for tolerance by fighting back against the
oppression they have inherited after
so many hundreds of thousands suffered in silence, only for the generations after them to not share their
bravery and stand openly as gay
individuals.
Perhaps this article is about
those suffering with their choice to
stay in the closet, but more then that
it is a call to all of those whose cries
were just whispers in the night to join
the growing roar. Together we can
enact change, but we can’t make
the changes necessary without also
exposing ourselves to the ignorance
of the world around us.
Like Mike, many of the gentlemen that I spoke with had families
before coming out. One was still
married to his wife, terrified of the
possibility that she might find out.
Unlike bisexual men and women,
who can feel emotional and physical validation of their sexual identity
regardless of the gender of their
partner, closeted homosexual men
have a much higher rate of failure
in this type of relationship dynamic.
Gay men are not satisfied emotionally with their “straight” marriage,
regardless of how much joy they get
from their children.