March 2015 | Issue 5.2 | OutBoise.com
My best friend grinned at me, gave me a hug and said the
packaging didn’t matter. Even made a few jokes about the situation that made it a non-issue between us. I grew bold and told
even more friends. Then I finally found the courage to tell my girlfriend. Her response was intensely emotional, but was as strongly
supportive as I could ever have hoped for. To this day, though
we are no longer together in a relationship, we are close and
deeply connected friends. Finally I had told so many people that
I grew bold enough to talk to my family. I started with the uncle
I had always felt closest to and worked my way up to my mom.
This I had been dreading for reasons I could not define. I had felt
estranged from her my whole life. Believing rather strongly she
would reject me if only she knew the real me. I had convinced
myself that I didn’t care how she reacted, but my sleepless nights
and days of worrying showed that to be self delusion. I eventually realized that I wanted to know if she would love the real me
more than anything I had ever wanted to know before.
I tried for three weeks to tell her. I visited, I made videos I
recorded tapes. Nothing seemed right and everything made me
afraid that “doing this wrong” would ensure her rejection. So finally I broke down and did the most cowardly thing I could. I sent
her a text. I denied her the ability to hurt me in person because
I was terrified she would want to. She replied with some positive
words and I cried, but I still hadn’t seen it in her eyes. Luckily she
wasn’t willing to leave it at that and left work immediately for
a 45 minute drive to meet me face to face. I wasn’t sure what
she was going to say. I was afraid for reasons I couldn’t quite
unders F