Musings Armadillos
~ by Mark Blackwell
Late braking news for Brown County— as if we needed something more than deer, possums, raccoons, and turtles to brake for— An Invasion of armored aliens has been detected by the Indiana Department of Natural Resources. This information is hot off the internet. Yup, you heard right, we are stealthily being taken over by invaders from the south. They are already establishing colonies here. Who are they? Armadillos! The name armadillo comes from the Spanish conquistadors, about 500 years ago, when they first encountered the critters while invading Mexico and battling the Aztecs. It means“ little armored one.” But the Aztecs had their own name for them from their Nahuatl language translated as“ turtle-rabbit.” Now, turtle-rabbit has a pretty harmless ring to it, with some serious overtones of cuteness. Add the word“ armored” and the equation changes. I mean, if you were to tell somebody that you got savagely attacked by a turtlerabbit, you would likely get laughed into the next county. However, if you said you
were savagely attacked by an armored-turtle-rabbit, they still might laugh, but you would get their attention.
You are probably wondering: What are these strange invaders? Where do they come from? What do they want?
There is a theory out there that armadillos are giant roly-poly bugs mutated by radioactive fallout from nuclear tests.
I read a study published somewhere or another, probably on the internet( maybe AI generated), that said scientists, after spending many years of study and a bunch of money, concluded that that theory was most likely a hoax perpetrated by a couple of Purdue University students who watched a late-night creaturefeature while snacking on whacked-out brownies.
34 Our Brown County • Sept./ Oct. 2025