An ear trumpet was a device made from various materials: sheet metal, wood, or even animal horns, and was shaped like an elongated funnel but with a bend towards the narrow end. That part of the tube went in your ear and the bell gathered sound and amplified it. But there were several drawbacks to them. They weren’ t discreet, in fact they were very large, and announced one’ s infirmity. They weren’ t terribly good at what they were designed for. People still had to shout in them to be heard. And portability was a problem as well. If you didn’ t attach a cord to them so you could wear it around your neck, then you were apt to set it down and forget what you did with it.
I reckon I’ m lucky to be experiencing my golden years here in the twenty-first century. I get glasses with progressive lens“ in about an hour” or ten days, which ever comes last. But they do a good job of correcting at least one aspect of my outlook.
And, when I finally concluded that there really wasn’ t a wide-spread conspiracy of people gaslighting me by silently mouthing words and / or mumbling, I was able to get hold of some stateof-the-art, in yer ear( so you can’ t misplace them), amplifying and clarifying, hearing aids. It makes me feel like I’ m going bionic here in my declining years. I might be turning into“ Robo-codger”!
Despite everything, there are some upsides to getting older— one being discounts. In other cultures, elders are given respect and held in high esteem. In our modern culture we give them senior discounts. I remember a time, in the waning days of my youth, somewhere around fifty-five or so, I was offered my first senior discount. I was somewhat taken aback. But nowadays if it comes down to respect or a discount, I’ m taking the discount.
Grandkids are another bonus. They help you get more exercise. The little buggers are fast and it’ s all I can do to keep up with them. But when it looks like they’ re winning or trying to put something over on you, then it’ s time to pull out the granddad’ s secret weapon— experience— or as I like to call it, cheating and misinformation. It usually works because they think you’ re old and therefore wouldn’ t stoop to trickery. And besides that, it’ s fun.
So, like a lot of people my age, I’ m getting old but I ain’ t as old as Abe Martin and I don’ t reckon I ever will be. •
in Nashville, IN
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Nov./ Dec. 2023 • Our Brown County 31