Tourists( in) Season
I
aint no coward but I admit there’ s stuff folks do that I don’ t git like riding bulls for no good reason or hunting bear in any season or race a car around a track or climb a mountain and then climb back or sail a boat alone at sea why that don’ t make no sense to me!?
I kinda like our country style where we all relax awhile as in the evening we aspire to cozy up to wood on fire and not rely on any clocks or live in squares on city blocks but walking trails for a stroll armed with a book and fishing pole or we might sit throughout the night and read that book by candlelight I think you catch my drift and tone we’ re living in the Twilight Zone!
Why things round here can go so slow we watch whole fields of flowers grow while there are others just as pleased to sit and watch the growing trees and so the only thing we fear is something just might change round here and so you see that is the reason we have ourselves a tourist season for as they flee their city blocks they flounder here in flowing flocks in certain months within the year to see if we’ re still living here to make them happy and contented with stuff we sell and have invented!
70 Our Brown County • Sept./ Oct. 2019
So country folk Brown County wide in humbleness and civic pride gather herbs and twigs to sell and make new lies we’ re gonna tell to every tourist we can find to help them with their peace of mind that what they thought is still the truth that us hillbillies are uncouth!
Now here’ s the kinda thing we do to help them tourists with their view like every year we work real hard to find old cars for someone’ s yard and build an outhouse and a barn and spin our age-old country yarn that if you move here we insist this is now how you exist!
We sell them skins and leaves and rocks and real stuffed birds in coo-coo clocks and paintings of our forest skies and roadkill baked inside our pies and like to tell them make a wish that you survive each country dish for though the taste you found a treat they say we might be what we eat and in the country we have creatures you might not want their special features but its our daily type of diet so take a bite you gotta try it!
But that’ s when I done crossed the line with that there lie I told of mine we have a three-leaf bathroom bush that’ s easy on your face and tush and sold them seeds them folks will find become a poison ivy vine!? I feel just terrible ….
— Gunther Flumm