.
The message above didn't begin to say how scared and helpless I had felt during the previous two weeks, which is what I wanted to write at the time. Instead I went with the practical voice in my head "keep it together Adrianne, you can't loose it now". I felt this way not because Eva was going to have open heart surgery but that I knew something was wrong with her and no one believed me.
My adrenaline was pumping, all I could focus on were the things I could control. Eating, drinking, sleeping, pumping, medication, cuddles, singing, reading, change nappies, tube feeding, keep her happy with smiles when she was awake and always in the back of my mind trying to figure out a way to get someone to listen to me and believe me.
Finally..... a nurse that we had built up a good relationship with (because she had spent the most time with Eva) came along and saw what I saw. She made hubby and I leave the room and get some air while she sat with her (for I don't know how many hours) and documented everything that was happening.
The doctors finally listened and I was so relieved.
Surgery Day
Hubby came up from Ronald McDonald early that morning to help me prep Eva for surgery, the nurse helped us bath her in the special stuff to help stop her from getting infections. Silent ...... but I am sure both thinking the same "I hope she doesn't get bumped for surgery and we don't have to do this again tomorrow and the next and the next". In her clean nappy and blanket we wheeled her to the operating theaters, I kissed her goodbye and hubby took her as far as he could.
my first xmas -
it wasnt how a first xmas should be
14
Written by Adrianne