Our Valley Santa Clarita July/August 2016 | Page 14

Women Issues

Despite all our best efforts at spreading compassion and understanding , violence and hatred continue to

How to Talk to Your Kids about Terrifying Things

avoiding the topics on your child ’ s mind won ’ t help anyone . In fact , it could lead to them imagining an even scarier situation , wondering if they have upset you by bringing up this topic , and ultimately feeling more alone and frightened . Instead ,
3 . Comfort them She might be scared that something similar could happen to either her or to your family members , so make sure to tell her that you love her and will always do your best to keep her out of harm ’ s way . Remind her of the many other caring adults in her life — in her family , school , and community — who are also there to keep her safe . If they already had practiced safety drills at school , or will soon , reinforce the idea that those are done just in case something bad happens , not because it will happen ( and , in fact , it probably never will ). Finally , while you may be relieved when the conversation is “ over ,” do check in a few days later to ask how she is feeling and ask if she has been talking about the topic at school . There ’ s no need to bring it up every day , but you don ’ t want her worrying all on her own or struggling with potential misinformation , either . affect our world , our country , and our communities . And in a world with a 24 / 7 news cycle , it ’ s hard for anyone — even children — to avoid hearing about terrifying things when they occur . Since news programs are produced with adult viewers in mind , and because images of violence and destruction can be hard even for us as grownups to wrap our heads around , the likelihood that these stories will cause anxiety and fear in children is pretty high . Still , even if you try to keep the news off when your kids are around , it ’ s unrealistic to think you can shield them completely . Make this conversation a little easier with these five tips :
1 . Let him / her lead If your child asks questions about a terror attack or other act of violence he or she has heard about or seen on the news , you might be tempted to change the subject to something — anything !— else . But
14 listen seriously to what they ’ re asking you and do your best to give him or her limited but fact-based answers while staying as calm as possible yourself . Remember , your child is learning a lot about how to react to the world from you — so if you stay cool and collected , she is more likely to as well .
2 . Simple is better Political unrest , mental illness , and the inner-workings of a terror organization will probably be over her head , so keep it simple . Answer her questions in basic terms , and emphasize that for every one or two people looking to do something to hurt others , there are so many more who are working to put a stop to it — and that that ’ s the side your family and community are on . Avoid sharing your judgments or speculations about situations , as she may understand them to be true , and that could actually make her anxiety worse . Just remember : you don ’ t have to have all of the answers . It ’ s fully okay to admit that you don ’ t understand why something like this could have happened .
4 . Face Stereotypes Head On After a person or a small group of people does something terrible , sometimes people irrationally distrust or make unfair judgments about other people who look a certain way , hold certain beliefs , or come from a certain place . If your child has heard people express these kinds of negative stereotypes , explain to her that not only are broad statements about any one group untrue , they can also be incredibly hurtful and damaging . Discuss ways she can help fight stereotypes , like sticking up for kids who might be unfairly judged and refusing to join in on any hurtful jokes or rumors based on a person ’ s appearance or belief system .
5 . Raise Her Spirit Remind her that enjoying our lives and being kind to others actually helps balance out the bad stuff in the world — and that turning to violence or fueling stereotypes about certain groups of people just adds to the problem . Team up to think of something you can do together to spread kindness and understanding .