Carers
Feature loss , my husband and children supported me in my decision to return to Australia to help care for my mother for an indefinite period .
As I had just changed jobs and not completed 12 months continuous service in the NHS , I was not officially entitled to any leave of absence . I discussed my situation with the lead service occupational therapist who was extremely supportive and agreed to allow me to have a career break .
However , as the pandemic took hold travel plans were disrupted , so I eventually arrived in Australia in August 2020 , before enduring 14 days in hotel quarantine . During my second week in quarantine my mum had a fall , breaking her neck of humerous . I felt trapped between two worlds and useless , as I couldn ’ t physically help and I didn ’ t know the health system or how to access it .
Leaving quarantine was when the hard work really started . From January to August there was a rapid deterioration , mum was now on oxygen 24 / 7 and weighing only 40 kilos . The strain on my dad was evident as he attempted to run the house , care for mum in between care visits , coordinate all the professionals involved and attend appointments , as well as looking after himself .
I took on the responsibility of co-ordinating mum ’ s care , helping her with her daily routines , thereby enabling dad to take some time for himself , either spending it in the garden or cooking up a storm in the kitchen .
Although dad was visibly relieved that I was now there , there was an unspoken understanding that there were going to be challenging times ahead and we needed to be strong .
Although I have worked across different settings – hospital , community , children ’ s and adults – and seen many people in life-changing situations , nothing prepared me for caring for a family member . There is no training or experience that makes it any less difficult to watch someone you love to deteriorate before your eyes and lose their independence .
As a family we had those difficult conversations , which enabled everyone to be involved as much or as little as they wished and to ensure mum still had choice and control .
Mum already had an advanced care directive in place and power of attorney , she chose the venue , guestlist , music , photographs and food for her celebration of life and as a family we sought solace that we carried out her wishes after her passing in December 2020 .
I returned to the UK in February 2021 , and ultimately back to work by the end of March , however on reflection I did not give myself
One of the saddest periods of my life has allowed me to reflect on my own practice and on the standards of practice I have observed when working with people in a similar situation .”
enough time to process everything I had been through , let alone grieve the loss of my mother .
By the end of August that year I hit a physical and emotional wall and after much thought I made the difficult decision to leave my specialist neurological position to focus on my own wellbeing .
I engaged with counselling through work and also with Cruse , for specialist bereavement counselling , and this helped me to identify strategies that have enabled me to move forward both personally and professionally , and I have now secured a new position as a practice supervisor occupational therapist .
One of the saddest periods of my life has allowed me to reflect on my own practice and on the standards of practice I have observed when working with people in a similar situation .
Based on this experience , I would like to emphasise the following points to anyone working with someone in a similar situation to my mum – both as a carer and professional :
• It is really important to listen to patients and family members and carers .
• Information is power – informing people on and signposting to organisations for support , even if they are not ready to act on it yet .
• Take every opportunity to avoid having the patient ’ s family repeat their stories repeatedly , by liaising closely with all professionals .
• Provide clear explanation of options without judgement , thereby enabling informed decisions .
• Take time for you ; allow yourself to grieve and seek support if you need it . We can ’ t look after others if we don ’ t look after ourselves .
• Keep talking and share your experiences with family , friends and colleagues . It ’ s helped me .
Words JENNIFER TANNER , Practice Supervisor Occupational Therapist . With thanks to Samantha Midwinter and Clare Heighway , occupational therapists , for their support and encouragement to write this article
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April 2022 OTnews 37