Orient Magazine Issue 73 - September 2019 | Page 49

Orient - The Official Magazine of the British Chamber of Commerce Singapore - Issue 73 September 2019

on and off the field during my career better? Was I ready for when it would end? I was driven and I was skilled, but I wasn’t in touch with my inner voices the way I am now. I have no regrets, but I know I would have managed life and change much more effectively had I known what I know now. I soon found my feet playing a game I loved, and the rest of my career was a whirlwind of having many high points and unique experiences along the way.

Dealing with the End of Era
My playing career did not end the way I would have liked - it ended abruptly, and I didn’t see it coming. At the time, I brushed it off and moved on quickly to player-coaching and coaching. However, as time went on there was a little voice inside my head that got to me, I found it hard to identify who I was outside the jersey that had represented me for so long. Unable to let go of the inability to play, I found myself fighting for clarity in a lot of aspects of my life.
These changes don’t happen overnight, but negative thoughts begin to eat away at your sense of self, a slow burn that can easily become wildfire. For me, my way of thinking became a very dysfunctional, negative cycle that built up and up inside me until I was no longer the person I wanted to be – my drive to succeed was gone, my marriage was suffering, and my work and colleagues were being affected too. I wasn’t training anymore and had no desire to do the things that had once driven me and brought me joy. I thought I was coping with the change in my career after no longer being able to play, but my behaviour was telling a very different story. I became very frustrated, depressed, inwardly angry and my self-confidence plummeted – I had a constantly repeating mantra in my mind, and it was “I’m not good enough.”
Thankfully, with the wonderful support of my wife, who has always been there for me, and the help of others close to me, I was able to realise that I wasn’t in a good place and I needed to start making changes. I invested in myself by completing a course on mental health, listening to podcasts, reading articles and documenting my progress. With this, the shift started.

Re-Connecting with My Inner Life
In sport, you can feel isolated and become one dimensional because everything is geared towards that one ultimate performance and your whole personality revolves around your achievements. Other roles you have in life start to fall by the wayside. I learned a lot of important lessons from professional sport, including integrity, commitment, work ethic, teamwork, time management and dealing with pressure. I still use these skills today, but they didn’t cover all the bases to make me not only a great athlete, but also a well-rounded human. I was on autopilot for many years, and it was time to re-evaluate and adjust my ‘normal’.
When you step out of that environment, it’s important to have the skills to adapt and be agile and forward-thinking. Focussing on the brain and how it works was a defining moment. When I was playing rugby, we had psychologists to support us, but it was purely performance-focused, so learning to apply that to all aspects of my life was crucial and something I wish I’d learned to do during my career. Learning how my decisions and thoughts were influenced was instrumental in helping me to regain control of my mental state, and work towards becoming the person I wanted to be and feeling fulfilled.
Slowly, you’re able to start drip feeding those negative thoughts the other way, and it starts to create space between the ears that gives you more focus, energy and clarity in what you do – whether you’re a professional athlete, corporate superstar, stay at home parent or some combination thereof. We all have pressures and demands in our lives that impact our thinking. Becoming conscious of your thoughts and feelings starts to affect everything around you. You start to identify with yourself better. The resilience starts to return and the communication with yourself and others becomes functional and supportive.
I have learned some very valuable tools which educated me in being mentally agile and more aware. It enabled better decision making, better relationships, better thoughts. If I had these tools when going into my career, through it and out the other end, I would have related more easily to coaches and their decisions, been more prepared, dealt with leadership, related better to team mates, communicated more purposefully both externally and internally and adapted better to my situation at the time leading to better decision making.
I’m passionate about supporting others and helping educate and prevent this situation arising for others by raising awareness about holistic mental health practices in sport and in the workplace. I have had the pleasure of coaching many individuals and I’ve learned from my own experience on how to help them develop positively in their physical and mental approach to their sport. I’m committed to getting the best out of them and providing them with the tools to be mentally agile, so they can be positive and conscious in their decision making to support their performance and overall wellbeing. I believe the way in which we coach has a defining effect on an individual as they move through life and I’m excited to see positive changes happening in the industry.

On Reflection
Today’s world is full of distractions and bad news that can destabilise our thinking if we let ourselves fall into that trap – it’s available at our finger tips 24/7. It’s easy to slip into a negative thought spiral, filling yourself with fear and doubt exactly like I did. But this is not a criticism of modern society or technology. Everything can be a tool for positive growth if you approach it the right way. Don’t underestimate the value of your own mind and know that tools and help are out there for you.
Just the other day, my wife was on the receiving end of someone’s conscious awareness of themselves and others by giving her a book on a subject she is studying currently. It was totally out of the blue but so positive in every way. They say that just one of your thoughts can affect five people around you, so let’s work together to make them good ones.