pits to turn in my scorecard . I then proceeded to shut myself into our cabin , where I finally allowed the tears to fall . I was upset that I didn ’ t ride well , but more than that I was upset that I was upset .
Why was I so easily frustrated by my own performance at something still so new to me ? Why was I irritated by young kids beating me ? Don ’ t I have thicker skin than that ? The thoughts began to dance .
When I perceive that I have failed at something , the negative thoughts begin to pour in . There ’ s no filter , all of my insecurities begin to rear their head . I can easily spiral down into the dark depths of my own mind .
Luckily , I have tools that help me crawl back out before I am entirely swallowed by the vortex of selfdoubt . Journaling helps . So does talking to a loved one . As I look back on what I wrote immediately following the event , and reflect on my conversation with Daniel , it is apparent that my embarrassment with my performance , as well as with my own emotions , led me to a high level of frustration . The frustration quickly folded into the much larger issue : my own entrenched association between failure and self-worth .
doubt . If unexamined it can result in paralysis , an inability to try new things , or to give up on something too soon for a fear of failure . When examined , however , when analyzed , and processed , it is an opportunity for growth .
The fact that a poor performance following my third hour in a new sport could send me into such a tailspin , indicates that I need to continue to put myself into situations where I very well may “ fail ”. Where I very well may embarrass myself . For it is through this that I can strengthen the mental muscles that allow me to fail without breaking down .
On Saturday afternoon I was convinced that I NEVER wanted to ride a trials motorbike again . Now I know that I not only want to , but that I NEED to . We all need to put ourselves into situations that we ’ re resistant to , and we need to do it again and again . That ’ s the only way to grow . While stagnation can be comfortable , expansion is where life ’ s brightest hues of color and most profound forms of beauty reside .
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I know I am not alone in this . Many competitive , achievement driven people share in this experience . One set back can lead to a mutiny of self
ON THE PEGS // PAGE 126