1. Communicate with radical honesty. Do not confuse radical honesty with brutal honesty. The goal is to express your truth, not to condemn theirs. This is about extending yourself beyond what you feel is your "comfort zone”. What you cannot talk about is exactly what you need to talk about. If you cannot open up to your beloved, who can you truly open up to? The practice of reaching out to your beloved from your heart, with vulnerability allows the Divine experience to come flooding in. The walls start crumbling down when you choose in each moment to dive deeper into intimacy, and release this over-protecting habit of defending and upholding your ego.
2. Eye contact is not the only way. As we focus on honoring the power of our fifth chakra (throat chakra) this season, it is all about clear, truthful communication. It is indeed about being able to express your feelings through words, but in order to be effective in your communication you must be a good listener. Be willing to hear and feel the needs of your partner. It is in this chakra that you must tell your partner what you like and what you desire, but you must also be receptive to your partner! Sometimes during our talks, I can get the felt sense of what Chad is communicating when laying my head on his chest. Without looking him in the eyes, I can still sense his sincerity, his trepidation about an issue, or his vulnerability and complete openness. Just allow yourself to totally dissolve into your partner - meaning, surrender to them and this amazingly divine connection that already exists between you. Sitting close to each other for long periods with soft gentle touching will melt the apparent boundaries between you. Looking beyond their personality, into their soul, is by far the greatest way to create a long loving relationship. If you do this on a regular basis, you can only expect the most amazing connection.
3. Always be who you are. This seems simple enough, right? But this is a lesson I learned through trial and error in my marriage. In an effort to want to please your beloved, it’s so easy to become who you think he wants you to be. In communication and in love making, it’s never a good idea to fake it. Now, even though I thought that being someone other than the true me was really about pleasing him, it wasn’t. That actually has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you being able to create the most safe and loving space within yourself. “As within, so is without.” So, if you’re ready to leave the "fake you” behind, start with choosing to be emotionally, physically and mentally safe to creatively express yourself in ANY way you choose. Now, being fully self-expressed, may shock your partner at first. He may not understand this new language. This is to be expected and once brought to the surface, to be discussed in a loving manner.
Simply honor each other and never hide anything from each other. Be real, and know that deep down you will experience the greatest love, joy and ecstasy by loving, accepting and appreciating yourselves totally as you are. This may not be all there is to it in your relationship, but it may be a good starting point.
Tracey is a life coach, holistic health practitioner, and seminar facilitator who
focuses on shifting the perception of women to inspire them to live with passion and purpose. She is the proprietor of Pathways to Whole Living, a holistic wellness center in Bel Air, MD.