On the Coast – Families Issue 97 I December/January 2019 | Page 31

Our limits are just as valuable
as our love
by Leanna McNeil
S
etting limits for our children
may feel contradictory to our
role as loving parents. And yet
the truth is that this role that we
are in requires us to set limits as a
healthy and well balanced
expression of our love.
If you are anything like me, you desire
to raise healthy children who make
heartfelt choices and who grow into
good people. I have the intention to raise
my son to feel empowered not entitled.
And the way that I can impact this is by
showcasing both love and limits.
It makes sense doesn’t it? That if we
are only to give into every request,
demand or desire our children have,
they will have missed out on the
opportunity to miss out. And through
missing out, our children learn
resilience, patience, empathy,
consequence and a myriad of other skill
sets. Our children learn through
experiencing and we are very influencial
in how they learn and what they learn.
On another note, when we express
or demonstrate our limits to our
children, we give them permission to
own their personal limits. Our children
will continue to learn behaviours from
those we demonstrate to them. We
create opportunities for growth in both
ourselves and our children when we
set limits for them. It is challenging
to be willing to admit our own needs
in an adult way, to count ourselves as
just as valuable and important as our
children. It can perhaps make us feel
selfish to admit our needs, and yet by
denying our needs, we can miss out on
teaching our children how to support
themselves in situations when we need
a moment to ourselves.
I believe it is our responsibility
in our parenting role to teach our
children our limits. So that they can
find their own. Every relationship
requires limits and the parent and
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child relationship is no different. It is
through limits and boundaries that we
can stand firm in our role as parent,
and declare our depth in our parenting
role. Children respond to limits because
it defines the relationship of parent
and child. They know whose boss, and
they need you to be the boss to allow
them to be the child. Even if they
fight against this and appear to power
struggle with you. I have found that
the firmer I can be, the more solid and
safe my son seems to feel.
As the adult in the relationship, our
children need us to show them the way
so that they may emulate us as they
become one. It is a genuine balancing
act and one I feel I get wrong so often.
I believe that as long as we do our best
to set loving limits and admit when we
need a time out for our own peace of
mind, we really are teaching them well.
We are teaching them to be ok with
other people’s limits, to understand
that other people matter too, and that
sometimes a compromise is in order.
What a powerful message to teach…
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Leanna McNeil offers psychotherapy, holistic counselling, energetic healing, intuitive remedial massage
and cupping and transformational bodywork out of her gorgeous centre Sana Wellness at Erina Heights.
When she isn’t in private practice she is passionately facilitating wellness retreats with Wellness
Bootcamp, Ontrack and Women’s Wellness Retreats. Ph: 0424 098 913
DECEMBER/JANUARY – ISSUE 97
31