On the Coast – Families Issue 96 I October/November 2019 | Page 32

Developing Dreams Developing Wellbeing: Developing Dreams through Gratitude Step 5: Developing Wellbeing: Developing Dreams through Gratitude. “It is not happy people who are grateful. It is grateful people who are happy.” This quote completely lends itself to the concept of gratitude as a strategy for wellbeing. Research such as Martin Seligman’s recount in his book Flourish concurs. Referring to a period where 800 counsellors, therapists, coaches and other professionals had their clients apply positive psychology strategies such as practising gratitude daily, he stated he was ‘astonished by how well these interventions ‘took’ even with very depressed patients. I had never encountered such a mass of positive reports’. This being said, what is gratitude and how does it apply to parenting and raising mentally and emotionally well children, the topic of this fifth article in the Developing Wellbeing: Developing Dreams series. The Cambridge Dictionary refers to gratitude as having a strong appreciation for something or someone. That’s easy to achieve, right? Not necessarily. In fact, it is not as simple as we may think. Due to our primitive lineage, we are prone to searching for threat or danger as a means of keeping us safe. This is a natural phenomenon, and not a negative one, unless left unchecked. This awareness or alertness of danger is necessary to protect us and can be shared with children in examples they can understand. For example, the awareness of a hot item stops us from being burnt. Similarly, being alert to an oncoming car when crossing the road prevents us from being run over. Worry, concern or anxiety can be viewed as positive and helpful, and this re-framing is extremely beneficial for children and adults whose thinking may gravitate this way. Supporting this knowledge with the intention of balance, however, is extremely important, or can I say, ‘not unpacking your bags and living in a state of worry all day, every day’.* This goal can be achieved in many ways such as talking problems through with a friend, counsellor or coach, 32 KIDZ O N T H E C OA ST listing fears and solutions, preparing alternative options, gaining facts and as we are focusing on here, by consciously incorporating gratitude into your life. The science behind this thinking lies in the physiological changes that occur when feeling different emotions. When in a state of joy, happiness, enthusiasm, passion or excitement for example, the (happy) chemicals endorphin, oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine are released. In contrast, when feeling emotions such as fear, danger or stress, cortisol is released. Cortisol has been referred to as the ‘bad feeling’ chemical (psychologies, uk). Our goal as mothers – for ourselves and for our children – is to incorporate more opportunity for the release of the happy chemicals, and less of cortisol. I’m certain you agree. Explanation aside, it’s time for action! Make a promise to yourself to bring gratitude into your world through thoughts, words, journaling, daily examples, mindfulness or whatever strategy resonates with you. Search for these moments, acknowledge them, embrace them and most significantly, express your thanks for them. This commitment alone has the ability to reduce anxiety and increase feelings of wellbeing, for both yourself and your children. Is this not the dream for all children, that they may develop the skills, qualities and dispositions which promote happiness, success, competency and wellbeing in all areas of their life? As the year draws to a close, I hope you continue to lean into the five steps of wellbeing as referenced in this years Kidz on the Coast articles: Belonging, Happiness, Flow, Emotion Coaching and Gratitude. If we are the fortunate ones, our days will continue to roll on, passing from one to the next. Live these purposefully so you may look back at the memories and legacy you have left your children, and rest your head in peace, content with the knowledge you did your best, gave your all and never stopped trying. Sincerely, Catherine *This article does not form professional opinion. If you experience extended periods of depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts, please seek professional help. Catherine is a mother, life coach, early childhood teacher and is co-founder of Developing Dreams, a locally owned company which provides an Early Learning Centre and Coaching Services for mothers. Please email [email protected] or call 4358 3155 for more information.