On the Coast – Families Issue 103 I December 19/January 20 | Page 28

at night
Parenting your baby

BY NIKKI SMITH
P
arenting your baby at night time is
not about a set of rules and sleep
strategies. Parenting you baby at
night time is about connection;
As a new parent I was shocked to find
myself feeding my new baby literally
around the clock. Eight weeks into being
a new mama I was desperate for sleep. I
called in the big guns, a local midwife!
Her response was, ‘did you know that,
in about 95% of cases the reason your baby
will not sleep is due to sleep associations.
Your baby has a dummy AND you
breastfeed her to sleep.’ These were her
exact words stated to me as I was crying
and feeding my eight week old daughter to
sleep. She went onto say ‘if you feed or
rock your baby to sleep that will be one of
your biggest parenting mistakes.’
Unfortunately for me being a first-
time mum, I was not immune to these
comments and I believe that many of us
still aren’t. Why you ask?
Because society says so. Because the
‘sleep’ business is about profit. Because
it’s convenient.
Fortunately for myself and my
husband we did not continue the ‘sleep
training’ merry go ‘round, we found
ourselves co-sleeping and I continued to
breastfeed my little love to sleep.
Yes, as new parents there is no doubt
that you will find yourselves shocked to
the core in the realisation that your new
baby feeds around the clock. Did you
know though, that the average new baby
will sleep for up to 19 hours of a 24-hour
day, but some may sleep for as little as 8.
ALL babies are unique.
In those first few weeks post-partum
your new baby will wake, feed and then
fall asleep again. Only to wake no more
then 2-3 hours later, yes, for yet another
feed! As your new baby grows so does
their appetite, you will find that your
baby will want bigger feeds as opposed
to more frequent feeds, they will tend
28
ON T H E C OA S T – FA M ILIES
to be more active between feeds also,
which will then (fingers crossed!) allow
hopefully, for a deeper and longer sleep
later in the day.
If we can find ourselves listening more
to what our baby needs and if we can
grow in bravery and lean into that, we
will find ourselves softening rather than
becoming increasingly more rigid within
our ‘sleep’ approach.
What your baby needs is a loving,
responsive interaction with you, always. 
This is an essential foundation for
connection and the beginnings of
building trust. Your touch is just as
important and as fundamental as the
food that you provide for them.
There is absolutely NO doubt that
infancy is challenging, but babies are
simply too young and inexperienced to
handle their own causes for crying
whatever that may be, be it sleep, a change
of nappy, needing to be fed again but more
so for comfort, or just because they feel
overwhelmed and they need you. 
It is up to you as their parent, to take
responsibility in meeting your baby’s
needs, their need for nurturing from you,
your security and unconditional love.
And if I’m being honest. We as
parents, as human beings need that too.
As humans we long for connection and
affection. Why shouldn’t our little one’s
needs be met for this too.
Let’s move back to that omnipresent
terminology, ‘sleep associations!’
Who here has been told NOT to
breastfeed their little ones to sleep?? 
Most babies will need milk during
the night within their first year. Many
milestones are slowly developing and
then happening, for example, crawling,
first words, and walking. Their brains
are developing at lightning speed, there
are mental leaps, teeth erupting, illness…
The list goes on…They will always get
back into their own rhythm once they
are past whatever it is that is going on for
them, in the meantime though give them
what they need, which is you, and no
doubt their mama’s comforting milk.   
Breastfeeding creates that beautiful
and much needed loving connection for
you both. When you are breastfeeding
your little love to sleep at night your
milk has already developed the amazing
hormones that are specific for that
settling feed.
Melatonin is one of the peaceful, sleep
inducing hormones that is released,
and then there is oxytocin a wonderful
‘feel good, relaxation’ hormone that is
released for the both of you.
Your breastmilk creates a wonderful
concoction of hormones to help your
little love off to sleep. So why wouldn’t
you use it!? 
Another sleep association that I’m
going to delve into is ‘spoiling,’ this is yet
another well used term within Western
society, it is about nursing and holding
your baby too much.
Time and time again with our first
newborn baby, it was repeated endlessly
to me that I was “spoiling her by holding
her too much,” “just let her cry,” “you’ll
spoil her by feeding on demand.”
‘Spoiling’ is one of those mindless ideas
that gets passed down from generation to
generation, even though on the surface it
is ridiculous! It is instinctive to rock your
beautiful new baby and to hold them, it
has been done for millennia’s!
Think of your fourth trimester with
your new baby as an extension of your
pregnancy because for nine (or ten
months if you do pregnancy like me!)
long months they have been with you.
Listening to your heartbeat from the
inside. Why wouldn’t they still want
and need that beautiful comfort? Who
‘decided’ that breastfeeding, rocking and
cuddling your new baby off to sleep was
taboo and creating ‘sleep associations’ or