On the Coast – Families Issue 101 I August/September 2019 | Page 28

finding you
3 TIPS
for mums lost
in motherhood
BY CATHERINE SCHASSER
O
n a leisurely Sunday morning,
I wandered into a homeware
shop. Clothing, cushions, wall
art, furniture & candles were presented
beautifully throughout the store.
Displayed amongst an array of side-table
ornaments and books was a wooden teal
block which read, 1. Mum: a woman who
loves unconditionally. 2. Mumster: what
happens to mum when she counts to three.
Meant as a small gesture of well-meaning
humour, this little gift got me thinking.
What else defines a mother, or more
importantly, who is doing the defining?
Mothering involves caring and
providing for others. It involves sleepless
nights and long days, often so full, a hot
cup of tea is an unknown. Do you ever
feel you wouldn’t know how to reply if
someone asked what you did today, yet
you know you barely sat down, or when
you did, you were providing for the
needs of your children, not to unwind
as you flick through your favourite
magazine? In fact, you can’t remember
when you last did that… You cooked,
cleaned and attended to what felt like
a hundred tasks, yet turned around to
see even more to do. You spent the day
mentally and emotionally exhausted
as you worried about the wellbeing of
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ON T H E C OA S T – FA M ILIES
your children. Sleeping. Toileting. Eating.
Behaviour. Confidence. The planning, the
remembering and the decision making
impacted your energy, not to mention
the desire to be present when offering
empathy, comfort or calm to your child
… constantly. With all of this happening,
when were you supposed to find time for
you, let alone ‘find you’?
In all the busyness and exhaustion of
your days, the expectations and the
comparison game, it’s no wonder you’ve
lost yourself. And you’re not alone. Social
media is going crazy with mummy-
bloggers and influencers sharing images
and stories of their ‘normal’ lives. They’re
influencers however because mums are
tuning in. For some mothers it’s to seek
inspiration, for others it’s a chance to live
vicariously for just a moment. An
opportunity to pretend the perfectly
decorated and clean home is theirs, ideally
located just a hop, skip and perfectly
executed jump from the seaside. Days of
calm, harmonious and smiling faces as
children cuddle and play in their beige
and white brand-name clothing, with not
a tantrum or packaged snack in sight.
So, what is it mothers are really
seeking when, by the thousands, they
follow these bloggers? Is it the escape, or
In all the busyness and
exhaustion of your
days, the expectations
and the comparison
game, it’s no wonder
you’ve lost yourself.
And you’re not alone.
rather a yearning to discover how they
too can experience such contentment
and a life of their dreams? Whether
a seaside escape, a country relocation
or a newly renovated home is on your
horizon or not, here are my top 3 tips
for finding you when you’re lost in
motherhood…without escaping to
someone else’s highlight reel:
1
Design it. Dust the lint from your
shoulders and leap into your future.
Imagine yourself 3 months, 3 years or
30 years from today and decide who you
want to be. In this ideal and perfect world
play with the following ideas. Who are
you with? Where are you? What can you
hear? How do you feel? How do others
feel in your company? What words do