On the Coast – Families Issue 101 I August/September 2019 | Page 11

come, and if I will have to greet everyone. I
don’t like greeting people I don’t know; my
tummy aches and I just can’t get the word
“hello” out of my mouth. I know you don’t
like it when I don’t greet people and you
will keep asking me to say hello. It is not
that I am not listening to you; I am trying
to stop my heart racing and swallowing
this lump in my throat away and trying to
think of a way to run to a place I can hide
where nobody can find me.
Do you now what I really want mum?
I want you and need you be the Anchor
in my storm, even when you can’t see my
storm clearly.
How to be my Anchor:
I need your guidance to know that you
CAN HELP me.
Can
Calm – The most important thing
mummy is that I need you to stay calm.
When you are calm, I feel safe. I need
you to stay calm because I look at you
all the time. I see everything you do and
I see your face. I learn from you how
to handle my big feelings and anxiety.
When you look frightened when you
see a dog or run anxiously towards me
when I sit on the slide, I will believe that
I should be nervous too. Also, when
you are very anxious or angry, could
you please leave the room for a few
seconds and come back in a calm state?
Sometimes it helps to do a breathing
exercise or count to 10.
Attune – To my feelings and connect
with me. Ask me how I am feeling and
let me know that you understand that
it is hard for me when everyone is too
busy to help me. Tell me that you can
just imagine how scary it must be to
see something that looks like a monster
in my room. Maybe just taking that
5 minutes connecting with me and
validating my feeling will avoid having to
deal with more of my built-up-anxiety-
turning-into-anger-energy a bit later.
Nurture – I need you to nurture me and
maybe give me a hug or hold my hand
and then when my heart is not racing
anymore (after listening to your soft calm
voice) you can screen the room for funny
looking things like my coat hanging on
the doorknob that looks just like a
monster in the dark. Then you can put the
light off and we can look at the coat and
have a bit of a giggle at my “monster”.
Maybe I will then tell you about my friend
with the flu and my fear of dying, and I
will know that you understand and will
help me.
Help
Hero – Please help me to be a Hero in this
world of big feelings, help me to be brave
and strong and give me messages that
say I can do this, and that you are there
for me and believe in me.
Exposure – I need you to expose me to my
fears. And yes, mum you should help me
to step out and not avoid doing things or
going places. If you are over protective and
allow me to stay home, then you give me
that subtle message that I indeed have a
reason to fear. On the other hand, pushing
me into doing things might increase my
anxiety. It is about slowly leading me.
Lead me where I need to go step by step,
little by little, always stretching me out
of my comfort zone. In doing this I will
learn to do it myself when I am older.
You can also lead me into a breathing
exercise or a calming activity.
Problem SOLVE It will help me so much if
you could help me to make a plan to
manage my fears. When I can’t say hello
to new people you can help me to make a
plan. Could I start by waving first? You
can help me to change my thinking and
help me to look for proof or the likelihood
of scary things happening to me.
Mummy I know it won’t be easy, but
I am just a little different than other
kids. You still need to have the same
expectations from me as you do for other
kids, but just be aware that I just need to
take things a little bit slower to get to the
same destination. Love you mum!
When your child’s anxiety is
impacting on his/her school work, family
life or life in general you can always get
professional help.
Lindie is a mental health clinician at The Heart & Mind Collective and specialises in working with
children who have experienced trauma and attachment difficulties. Lindie also works with children
with anxiety and behavioural problems. Contact Lindie on 0424 882 013 or visit the website
www.heartandmindcollective.com.au
AUGUST/SEPTEMBER – ISSUE 101
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