OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 332 15th November 2018 COMPLETE | Page 11
OMG Digital Magazine | 332 | Thursday 15 November 2018 • PAGE 11
Relationship
5 TIPS FOR HEALTHY LOVING RELATIONSHIPS
Psychology instructor Holly Parker shares her thoughts on
the makings of a strong relationship.
Romantic relationships, in all of their complexity, are a
fundamental component of our lives. And as the poet
Rainer Maria Rilke mused, “There is scarcely anything
more difficult than to love one another.”
What makes a good relationship? Holly Parker, a clinical
psychologist and instructor of the course The Psychology
of Close Relationships, offers her advice on how to have
healthy and loving romantic relationships.
1. SEE THE BEST IN YOUR PARTNER AND THE RELATIONSHIP
Research on perception and attention shows that we see
more of what we look for, so if you’re looking for signs
of kindness, that’s more likely to stand out to you. How
you think about and interpret your partner’s actions,
intentions, and words also affects how you feel and
understand a situation with them, which in turn affects
how you behave toward them.
Put it into practice: Spend a week looking for anything
and everything your partner does “right.” You can even
jot down anything you notice for each day if you choose.
2. HAVE FUN
Couples who engage in exciting and enjoyable activities
together have greater relationship satisfaction from
before to after the shared activity. As several studies have
shown, couples who play together stay together.
Put it into practice: Choose an activity with your partner
that you’ve never done together before that you would
both find engaging and fun, such as taking dancing
lessons, staying the night at a new town and exploring
it, or indoor skydiving. You can also try something with
your partner that he or she enjoys that you’ve never done
before. Put it into practice: Spend time saying “thank you” and
letting your partner know how much you truly value
him or her. Also, remember to increase the gratitude you
actually feel toward your partner, because this also makes
a big difference. Reflect on why you appreciate having
your partner in your life or what you would miss most if he
or she were not in your life.
What else is related to long-term passionate love? Sexual
intimacy, shared affection, and happiness in life. 5. HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF
The relationship you have with yourself is arguably the
foundation on which your other relationships are built,
and studies are supporting this notion. High self-esteem
predicts better relationship satisfaction, and high self-
esteem of both partners is an even better predictor of
strong relationship satisfaction. Moreover, people with
high self-esteem appear to respond more constructively
and positively during conflict when they think their
partner is committed to the relationship, whereas people
with low self-esteem don’t do this even when they believe
their partner is committed.
3. HAVE GOOD SEX
Increasing research is pointing to a great sex life as
predicting better relationship satisfaction—but not the
other way around. One such study published in the Journal
of Family Psychology examined data from hundreds of
couples to determine the relationships among sexual
satisfaction, marital quality, and marital instability at
midlife.
4. BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER
Studies on appreciation in romantic relationships show
that expressing gratitude to your partner predicts an
increase in your relationship satisfaction. The gratitude
you feel inside also predicts your partner’s level of
satisfaction. Feeling appreciated by your partner seems to
increase how much you appreciate him or her in return—
which positively affects how much you feel committed
to the relationship and want to do things to meet your
partner’s needs.
Put it into practice: Like most things, increasing the quality
of your relationship can take time. Begin from a place that
you can believe. It’s okay if right now you have a hard
time believing that you’re a worthwhile person. You don’t
have to tell yourself that yet if you don’t believe it. Start
by identifying at least one thing you like about yourself
or one thing you’re good at doing. Then, look for other
things from that starting point. Remember, more of what
you look for tends to pop out, so look for not only what
your partner does right, but what you do right.