OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 311 31st May 2018 | Page 6

OMG Digital Magazine | 311 | Thursday 31 May 2018 • PAGE 6
SoulFood
How to Want Less and Be Happy About It.
By Lori Deschene
“Happiness is a way station between too little and too
much.” ~Channing Pollock
The vast majority of my life has been a giant race to get
things I’ve assumed would make me happy.
More money so I could do what I want when I want. A
more meaningful career so I could feel both fulfilled and
proud of myself. More connections so I could feel loved
and worthy. And mostly, more distractions so I could
avoid acknowledging why I was unhappy with myself.
“I’m making progress,” I’d delude myself. “I’m pushing
myself to accomplish big things that will help people all
over.”
While those things may have been true, what I was really
doing was chasing the possibility of happiness as it existed
in an elusive tomorrow.
Tomorrow, when I’ve made a name for myself. Tomorrow,
when I can be proud of making a difference. Tomorrow,
when the stars align just right.
Though I still have to make a conscious choice to root
myself in today, I’ve realized nothing I want will ever bring
me joy if I consistently attach happiness to something just
out of my reach. In fact, more often than not, attaining
those things will just make me feel emptier because it
will remind me of the void nothing can fill—nothing,
that is, except me.Perhaps you can relate. Have you ever
attached all your hope and energy to something specific
you wanted? A job, a home, a date? Maybe you let the
act of striving consume your days—your thoughts, your
conversations, your actions—and then plowed ahead,
thinking all you had to do was get there.
When you finally did, for a fleeting moment the chase
seemed worthwhile. Like all your plotting, pushing, and
delayed gratification was worth it for that moment when
you got what you wanted.
But somehow, the euphoric feeling didn’t last. When
you got the new job, you realized you have a lot higher
to climb before you  make it  (though it’s kind of vague
where  it  is.) When you bought the house, you realized
it came with a list of new challenges—taxes, renovation
needs, and responsibility in general.
Most of us know on some level there's no reason not to be
happy now, even though things aren't perfect; and yet
we consistently find excuses why right now isn't good
enough.
I’ve identified four steps to challenge your instinct to
always want more, and actually feel happier because of it,
not deprived or limited in any way.
1. Identify what you assume.
So you want to be rich (you and billions of other people).
Why do you want to be rich? Do you need copious
amounts of cash for a specific reason that’s meaningful
to you, to start a business or fund Cancer research, for
example? Or do you simply assume being rich, in itself,
will make you happy?
The crazy thing about beliefs is that they aren’t always
based in fact. Just because you think you’ll be happy when
you have money, that doesn’t mean you will, especially
if you’re used to delaying happiness to some day when
everything is perfect.
3. Look closely at your now.
Sometimes you have desires and goals created to improve
legitimately challenging circumstances—when you want
a different job because you don’t enjoy yours, or a bigger
house because your family needs more room.
There’s nothing wrong with having goals. In fact, research
shows people who set and pursue goals are happier than
people who don’t.
But it’s important to be mindful about your intentions;
whether you’re pursuing something that will enrich your
life, or something that’s a distraction from the discomfort
of acknowledging what’s really bothering you.  Not just
the circumstances of your life, but who you’re actually
being in life.
Have you chosen to fill your time with things that matter
to you? Are you actively pursuing a path that fulfills you?
Do you maintain healthy relationships that make you feel
good about yourself?
Identify your exact expectations so you can look at them
more closely. If your choices create a now that feels unbearable on some
level—and you indulge a victim mentality that makes you
feel powerless—it’s only natural you’ll want to escape the
present moment with a fantasy for tomorrow.
2. Question your expectation. 4. Be the change you're seeking.
Next is to question whether getting what you want will
really give you what you expect. Just because something
is true for other people (if it is at all) that doesn’t mean it
will be true for you.
This requires you to know what’s most important to you in
life, also known as your core values. For example, mine are
family, independence, freedom, adventure, and meaning.
Having money, in itself, won’t create happiness for me
unless it supports all the different things that matter to
me.
Wealth accumulated through a seventy-hour workweek
in a corporate job wouldn’t be valuable to me because
it would narrow my time with people I love, restrict my
schedule, limit my options for adventure, and potentially
tie me to work I find unfulfilling. However, I can likely live
a life in accordance with all my core values without ever
becoming rich.
That happiness exists in the future is an illusion. Whatever
it is you think you need to be happy, instead of waiting to
get it, create it right now.
If you think having more meaningful work would make
you happy, volunteer somewhere and find out. If you think
you need more connections to feel happy, call a friend,
make some plans, and open yourself up to new people.
If you as sume more money is the key to happiness—well,
you can't manifest that instantaneously. But you can find
a way to create whatever it is you're trying to buy. If it's
adventure, join an adventure club. If it's travel, look online
for an affordable travel package.
When you're willing to be creative and proactive, you have
immense power to live a life that feels fulfilling right now,
in this moment—not some day, in a very specific reality
you've attached yourself to creating.