OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 302 29th March 2017 | Page 5

OMG Digital Magazine | 302 | Thursday 29 March 2018 • PAGE 5
USED MY
BROTHER-
IN-LAW'S
TOOTHBRUSH
TO CLEAN VOMIT
Confessions
My wife and I were staying at my in-law's beach house.
One night I drank and mixed too much alcohol and food.
I ended up vomiting in the bathroom sink, which quickly
clogged and filled up. I was so out of it that I thought it
was a good idea to grab a toothbrush and poke the sink
until it cleared out. I didn’t and won’t tell my brother-in-
law that it was his toothbrush.
BLISSFULLY LAZY
My feet are super dirty, but I don’t want to shower so I’m wearing socks to bed.
I'm just a super super lazy person so whenever I go get groceries, I buy a pack
of wet wipes like they use for babies so I can take a "shower" when I just don't
feel like getting up off my couch.
Necter of
THE GODS
Having a shot of tequila is almost as good
as milk and honey. I'm not ashamed
of it anymore and I'll shout it from the
rooftops.  Tequila is the nectar of the gods
I HATE MY
"FATHER"
Trust me when I say I'm not an angsty teen going through a phase. I got over that years ago.
My hatred for the thing that is partially responsible for my existence is genuine and it isn't
born of a desire to rebel. The man played no part in my life after I turned 6 months old, and
compared to what my siblings got I'd consider myself lucky. He's the reason my one sister
has trust issues because he was always in and out of her life. He's part of the reason one of
my brothers and another one of my sisters are in foster care. And he's the reason I didn't
meet my siblings until I was a teenager. So  I wish nothing but the worst for that monster.