OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 293 25th January 2017 | Page 6

OMG Digital Magazine | 293 | Thursday 25 January 2018 • PAGE 6
SoulFood
Carnival Resolutions:
Which Ones Do You
Make or Break?
By Karel Mc Intosh
Making resolutions for Carnival isn’t something we
consciously do – except for resolving to have a sexy
body…of course. But losing weight is just one of those
obvious resolutions.
Looks apart, for Trinidad’s Carnival, you’ve got to navigate
things like logistics and love – and this is where the not-
so-obvious resolutions reveal themselves.
I’ve heard stories about some of the antics people get
up to, and figured that somewhere…out there…under
the pale moonlight…and under the scorching sun, those
who’ve found themselves in ticklish situations, know the
situations they want to get themselves in, and those they
want to avoid. And therein lies my inspiration for this list
of resolutions worth considering. Let me kick things off
with a situation that can only be described as commess.
S tanding up to your boyfriend/girlfriend
Carnival is colour. Carnival is mas. But Carnival is also
the time when people like to play de arse. Some people
use Carnival as an excuse to misbehave, without any
accountability.
I’ve heard of instances where people disappear for
Carnival. One woman told me that every Carnival, her man
– who was usually by her side every day – would disappear
for about two weeks, with hardly a call or flare. Then he’d
reappear after Carnival, as if everything was normal. No
answers about what he was doing, where he was, or why
he didn’t return phone calls. And he got away with it, for
several years, until they broke up.
This is a clear case of someone wanting to be single for
Carnival. But depending on who you’re with, that won’t fly.
I know a guy whose girlfriend broke up with him, because
he would just catch a vaps and go to fetes with his boys,
without telling her or inviting her. He didn’t answer his
phone either. The first time it happened, she quarrelled
and he promised to not do it again. But he did. After a few
repeats, she had had enough and called it quits, because
she felt disrespected.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you want your relationship to
last, during this season of feting, revelry, sexual freedom,
and lots of alcohol consumption, know which boundaries
are absolutely not up for crossing…and don’t cross them.
And for the soft-hearted peeps out there, don’t let the
fact that Valentine’s Day is right after Carnival give your
significant other a convenient excuse to shower you with
gifts and make you forget their indiscretions.
Not staying up all night watching Soca Monarch I enjoy
liming at home with friends and family to watch the live
show, but it’s just too long. I can’t imagine why a foreigner
would stay up all night, watching Soca Monarch online.
And this Trini is definitely not doing it again this year.
For Soca Monarch, you could go eat pelau, brush your
teeth, take a bath and a nap, and still reach back by your
TV in time to catch the next performance. When will this
torture end? Organisers…tighten the show nah. Tell all
the early acts of dance troupes and the like that they’ll be
moved to Best Village, and hire a producer who knows
how to decrease the wait between acts. Oh and get some
better hosts. Find some average Joes and Janes on Twitter
and hire them as commentators. People tweeted some
hilarious stuff last year. I got most of my jones from joining
in the fun on my Twitter feed. (Shout out to my Twitter
peeps.)
Word is that the organisers are trying to streamline the
show this year, so let’s see if it really happens.
Staying within your Carnival budget
Did you plan to either only attend fetes or play mas, or
play mas and attend only three fetes, but by now you’re at
least $1,500 over your budget, because your friends ‘chain
you up’ to go fete after fete after fete? Friends may carry
you, but they often don’t pay your bills. No one is coming
to help you clear your credit card for all those outfits
you bought. Stick to your financial lane, and don’t feel
ashamed to tell someone you’re not shelling out money,
because you can’t afford it.
Talking to the hottie you see every year
This worked out quite well for one of my close friends,
who has since married her hottie. She wined on him, then
spoke to him. The morale of the story is that sometimes
you see the same people every year. Some of them pique
your interest. Talk to dem nah! You never know…they
might be your happily ever after, or that story about
the psycho man or woman who stalked you on Carnival
Monday and Tuesday.
Decide to not take their crap, or – if you have the energy –
control yuh property. Booking your holiday way in advance
For those of us who are not into Carnival and find ourselves
at home, and bored, during the Carnival weekend, we
always regret not making plans earlier, especially when
we try to make last-minute vacation arrangements and
hear that flights, ferries, hotels and guestrooms are all
booked up. Did you let that happen to you again this year?
I didn’t. I will be throwing my own fete in Tobago – music
not provided by mosquitoes. Air condition yo!
Losing weight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DwvnM7Ngt0
Remember when Iwer used to make songs that had a
point? On that note… I mentioned this earlier, but it’s worth repeating for the
lazy and undisciplined among you (I should really say us,
because I fall into this category of gym haters). Some of
you do the smart thing and work out all year. Some of us
wait until two months before Carnival, if not later, to really
get serious, when – objectively – we’d need at least a full
year to look however it is we want to look. We still have a
few weeks to join a bootcamp, or live on callaloo. So get
to it.
Get in yuh section early
One of my friends has the last-minute-rush-to-get-in-
a-section routine down pat. She saunters into a mas
camp – not one of the overly popular ones, but still well
patronized – and takes whatever will fit her. Luckily, she’s
mostly skin and bones, so getting a tiny, leftover costume
is relatively easy – and a steal, if she gets a discount.
But if you know that you just cannot stay way from mas,
why go through the last-minute stress? Yeah you might
get through, but is the begging and bad attitudes from
mas camp customer service people who make style on
you worth it? Okay…I can hear the mas addicts shouting,
“Yes!” Nooooo. Be decisive, and get in yuh section early.
What about those of you who organised yourselves long
time, and still end up in the last-minute stress, because
a friend begged you to help them find a costume? What
do you do? Help them one year, then tell them, “Organise
yuhself early next year eh, ‘cause I not goin’ through dat
stress again!”?
Get tickets in hand
I know some of us are spontaneous. Ask us – on Monday
– if we want to go a fete this Saturday, and we’ll be like,
“Nah I good.” But check us back on Saturday, and we’re
on Facebook, WhatsApp and BBM, in a frenzy, asking if
people have tickets, hoping that we won’t end up stuck at
home, ‘sucking salt’, because we failed to plan.
If you know there’s a particular, hard-to-get-tickets-for
fete, like “Vale”, get them early. Or else you’ll end up with
what my cousin calls “a massive hard luck”.
Moving like a veteran
Mas veterans know that they have to walk with needle
and thread, safety pins, and whatever else may save
them from wardrobe malfunctions on the road. But every
year, like a virgin, someone plays mas for the first time.
Even some veterans get caught unprepared by some
new trick courtesy of Murphy’s law. So walk with your
reinforcements, or know where people offer on-the-spot
‘fix-ups’ on the road (yes, that’s a cool money-making
idea).
Resolving to have the best Carnival ever requires planning
your logistics, rallying your crew, and misbehaving without
regrets. If you find yourself missing out on some of the
action, maybe it’s time you created an official Carnival
resolutions list. Where should you start? What are some
of the things that you always forget to get or do every
Carnival? If they’re important to you, make them happen.