OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 285 1st December 2017 | Page 17

OMG Digital Magazine | 285 | Thursday 1, December, 2017 • PAGE 17
Relationship
How Dementia Changed
Two Sisters’ Relationship
As told to Adrienne Day
10 Reasons Why We Put Up
with Jerks in Our Lives
By Robert I. Sutton, PhD
1. Denial about the present: "It's really not that bad." It ac-
tually is a terrible situation—you are living in a fool's par-
adise.
2. Imaginary improvement: "It's really getting better." This
is wishful thinking; things are as bad as, or worse than,
ever.
3. False hope: "Things are going to get much better soon."
You keep hoping—after all, you are an optimist. But the
brighter tomorrow that you keep wishing and hoping for
hasn't happened. And there is no good reason to believe
it ever will.
4. Tomorrow never comes: "I will leave for something bet-
ter right after I finish this one important thing." Then there
will be one more thing, then another, then another. Life is
messy. If you are waiting to tie a neat and pretty bow on it,
and to leave at the perfect moment, you may wait forever.
5. It hurts so good: "I am learning so much and making
such great connections that the abuse is worthwhile." But
is all the damage you and those around you are suffering
really worth it? And aren't you worried about turning into
an asshole too (or perhaps it is too late)?
6. The savior complex: "Only I can make things better. No
one else can replace me." So if that's true, why are things
so bad in the first place? Is it possible that not only are you
suffering, but you are powerless to fix things? Or that you
are unwittingly fueling the asshole problem and someone
else would be better equipped to deal with it?
7. I am not a wimp: "Sure, it's bad. But I am tough. It's not
affecting me." Hmm. I wonder if the people around you
would agree.
8. I can turn it on and off: "Sure, it's bad. But I am adept at
'compartmentalizing' so it doesn't really affect my friends
or family." What do friends and family say behind your
back?
9. Self-righteous suffering: "Sure, it is bad for me, but it is
so much worse for others, I have no right complain." Any-
thing could always be worse. Martyrdom is a lousy excuse
for staying in a terrible situation.
10. The grass will be even browner: "It's bad here, but it
would be even worse for me elsewhere." Sure, no place is
perfect. And some places might be worse. But have you
really checked out your other options? This smells like a
lame excuse.