OMG Digital Magazine Issue 255 20th April 2017 | Page 6
OMG Digital Magazine | 255 | Thursday 20th April 2017 • PAGE 6
JOURNAL PROMPTS TO FIND
OUT WHAT YOU REALLY
WANT
Tuning in to the voice of your soul is easier said than done—thankfully,
transformational coach Liz Kimball shares her simple exercises for finding
and fulfilling your heart's desires.
SoulFood
By Liz Kimball
Next to my desk lives Lao Tzu's wisdom: At the center
of your being, you have the answer. You know who
you are, and you know what you want.
Okay, yes, Lao. I worship you and if we lived at the
same time we might be soul mates. But, wouldn't
you agree that it is maybe a little easier to know who
you are and what you want when you're not trying to
drag a work project across the finish line and figure
out the logarithmic math the spring carpool schedule
requires, while simultaneously managing the daily
"helpful" email briefings from your mother about what
your former classmates are "up to"?
It can be challenging to hear the answers at the
center of our beings amid the noise of the modern
world. Advertising, social media and a host of other
influencers in our lives—parents, bosses, friends,
ancestors, children, teachers and partners—are
intimately intertwined in our ideas of what we think we
want (both subliminally and overtly), and untangling
what we're told to want from what we actually want
can be, um...tricky. These external wants are better
known as "shoulds," but here's the thing: Although
they've gotten a bad rap as of late from self-help
experts (e.g., "Don't should on yourself!") I'd argue that
a should is simply a desire based on someone else's
value system.
IN OTHER WORDS, A DREAM THAT DOES NOT
BELONG TO YOU.
To find out what dream actually does belong to
you, you'll first need to identify those kudzu-like
shoulds—which can be difficult because they may
sound practical, virtuous or seemingly impressive to
someone else. When first asked to name them, my
clients will often draw a blank or feel overwhelmed,
so I ask them to complete these prompts without
thinking too hard:
I should ____________________________today
because____________________________.
I should ____________________________ this month
because____________________________.
I should ____________________________this year
because____________________________.
Many of us have been carrying around these 'shoulds
disguised as wants' for a good portion of our lives, and
I've found that the time increments in this exercise
help you develop awareness around what they feel
and look like—the first step in shifting to operating
under your own idea of a life well-lived instead of
someone else's.
Of course some shoulds are obligations we can't ignore
or walk away from. For example, when someone says
to me "I should cook dinner tonight because my
family needs to eat," I say, "Okay, but I notice that even
talking about making dinner seems to overwhelm
you. Is there a way to honor your family's need without
compromising your own? Can you order takeout? Can
someone else cook?" Usually, after a bit of protesting,
the person admits that yes, in fact, it would be possible
to make a different plan for dinner.
The point is not to eliminate all shoulds. Considering
other people's desires and needs is one (but not the
only!) element of being a good partner, parent and
friend. But when someone's voice deadens and they
tell me that they need to stay at their company for a
least five more years, save the world (and the children
and the bugs) or collaborate with the fanciest person
they know because they feel like they should, I know
that I am having a conversation with a person whose
shoulds have drowned out the voice of their own soul.
And that soul voice is the one in which I'm most
rigorously interested, because it contains directions
for how you are meant to evolve. Which leads me to
the next journal prompt. It's inspired by a quote from
Howard Thurman, author and civil rights leader who
once said "There is something in every one of you
that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in
yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have." So
take a moment and ask yourself:
Today, the genuine sounds like__________________
__________.
This month, the genuine sounds like______________
______________.
This year, the genuine sounds like________________
____________.
These prompts are meant to unearth what I call Soul
Directions. Unlike shoulds, which usually make us feel
physical contraction, or like wearing another person's
shoes and carrying all of their bags, exhausting
ourselves, Soul Directions can give us the sensations
of lightness, excitement, expansion, tingles and,
sometimes, a rumbling in the stomach. They will keep
nudging us until we allow them to surface, and if we're
not skilled at identifying and listening to them, they
remain trapped inside of us and can atrophy our cells,
depress our spirits and profoundly drain our energy.
Yet I've seen the grace that unfolds when Soul
Directions are given the freedom to emerge. There is
usually a moment of truth about 45 minutes (or three
weeks or maybe 10 years) into coaching a person,
when their voice breaks open, morphing into a strange
combination of shaky and strong (like a calf who has
just learned to walk) and they say: "I guess if I were
honest, the thing I REALLY want to do is... [Put an artist
residency in a retirement home, make people laugh
in every country around the world, invent a reusable
cupcake]." It's usually followed by—"Oh my goodness,
that's soooooooo crazy" [or "stupid" or "weird" or, "you
probably hear about people wanting to start quilting
circles for recovering investment bankers all the time"].
BUT IT'S NOT CRAZY.
Aligning our lives with Soul Directions increases
the likelihood of our getting what we want. Social
Psychology researchers and developers of the Self-
Concordance Model of achievement Dr. Kennon M.
Shel don and Dr. Andrew J. Elliott found not only that
we are more likely to put sustained effort into self-
concordant goals (goals that are aligned with who we
are and that make our hearts sing) and therefore are
more likely to attain them, but we also gain deeper
well-being when we actually accomplish them.
Your Soul knows exactly how to place you at the
intersection between success and fulfillment.
IF ONLY YOU'D LISTEN.
If you uncover some Soul Directions, first, say a prayer
of thanks—as you have received grace—and then
please exhale and realize that the point here is not to
overhaul your entire life.
And if your Soul Directions feel a little muddy or
unclear, I've got one more prompt that may help you
come at it from a different angle.
If you are a frequent journaler, I suggest you switch up
your output mode—if you normally type, try writing,
or recording your voice talking about each answer. If
you write with your right hand, try writing with your
left hand. You might ask a trusted friend to share in the
exercise with you, and ask her to pay close attention
to your eyes (specifically when they light up). Or you
could paint, draw or (obviously the best option) dance
it out.
WHAT SECRET DREAM AM I KEEPING CLOSE TO MY
HEART?
Your Soul is oriented by evolution—not targets—and
cares much less about the particulars of what you do
and much more about fulfilling what in you is wanting
to grow. If your Direction is to start writing a book,
but you can't imagine that happening in the current
makeup of your life, you might realize that you are
longing to use words in an interesting way, or to create
something of your own. Your next step would be to
figure out one small, actionable way you can respond
to this call for growth. (Now is always a great time).
And one more thing: Soul Directions, though
exhilarating, are often accompanied by fear and
discomfort. Most of us interpret this fear as a sign that
we must be in the wrong place, but I encourage you to
look at it as a cairn on the path, signaling you to go in
that direction. If you can summon the courage to walk
alongside fear in the direction of your authentic life,
there is great joy and mystery and potential waiting.