( Focus On Family )
TAMAR KREBS
MANAGING DEMENTIA
Tamar Krebs provides these tips for managing dementia in a loved one .
s parents , we are completely
A dedicated to our children but we
also need to show our ageing parents this level of support .
As a person ages and the family structure changes , kids move out of home , partners pass on . The result is that an ageing parent may feel excluded or isolated , and with such major life adjustments they may find themselves searching for purpose and meaning in their everyday life . We need to remember that every older adult has a story that includes their unique dreams , interests and hobbies .
When someone has dementia , they can become repetitive , they may portray signs of verbal agitation or they may get confused easily . Someone with dementia often has a better functioning long term memory , which can make them think that their own child is their mother or spouse . A person with dementia can also make demands and experience mild to severe mood swings .
It is very difficult for us to see our parent or grandparent lose their inner essence , but the best way to deal with this is to celebrate them for who they are , to search and recognise any facets of that essence which still remains , and to offer support because they are your loved one .
Dementia strips people of their cognition . You can add value to your parent or grandparent ’ s life simply by treating them with respect and dignity , as that is what every person deserves . Although helpful ( and necessary ), feeding , washing and toileting a person does not add value or help give your loved one a place in society . You need to celebrate their abilities and interests , and help them to cherish and live in the moment .
Dementia is often called ' the long goodbye ' as it can be a long grieving process for those watching their loved ones . Of course , you have your own life , which is probably busy and stressful ; however , you need to ensure that your parents or grandparents do not feel like a burden .
Many similarities can be drawn between parenting a child and caring for ageing parents ( without sounding degrating , this is coming from a place of enormous respect ), so here are a few tips for caring for loved ones who are living with dementia :
• Avoid being patronising .
• Give your loved one some free choice ; you may need to find a language to do this effectively .
• When you support someone with dementia , it ’ s not what you do , it ’ s how you do it .
• Remember it ’ s not just about the chores . It ’ s not just about cleaning the fridge , folding the laundry , cooking meals . It ’ s about stopping and deciding what you want your loved one ' s last years to be filled with . It ’ s about creating cherished moments and living in each moment that you have together .
• Encourage yourself to be mindful and to be present while you ' re with them .
• Commemorate intimate moments .
• One of most beautiful things about dementia is the preservation of the long-term memory . Sit down together and look at a photo album with your loved one . Rejoice in the beauty of their life , and have a conversation , even if you know they won ’ t remember it later .
• You know your loved one best , so find out what they love to do and help them do it . What have they stopped doing because of dementia that you can do with them ? For exaple , if they enjoy baking , set up a table with a baking equipment and ask them to help you crack the eggs , pour in the oil and flour . The key is to offer them manageable steps that they can achieve . Make sure you don ’ t set them up to fail .
• If you need them to be ready at a specific time , then arrive early and help them get ready with plenty of time allocated to do so .
• Accept that they have a cognitive disease that strips them of their memory , and don ’ t get annoyed when they lose things .
• Focus on their capacity and what they can do , rather than what they can ' t or used to be able to do .
Tamar Krebs is the CEO and Founder of Group Homes Australia , which manages dementia differently . Their philosophy is to challenge traditional ideas of aged care , and provide a better choice for older Australians living well with dementia . It ' s the reason they ' ve brought the successful group home model – which is already popular internationally – to Sydney . And it ' s the reason their aged care services have been successful since 2009 . Find out more at www . grouphomes . com . au
24 OH ! MAGAZINE ( SEPTEMBER 2016 )