OH! Magazine - Australian Version September 2015 | Page 13
HEIDI
DI SANTO
HOW TO STOP
www.heidi.com.au
( Emotional Fitness )
FEELING ANGRY
Heidi Di Santo shares her tips to help you
stop feeling angry.
o you have a problem with anger? If
so, I’ve got three tips to help you to
take control of your anger.
D
Many people judge anger as a negative
emotion. This is because they’ve generally
only seen the aggressive side of anger. But
anger is energy to stand up for yourself. It
tells you that something’s wrong and that
someone’s crossed a boundary and anger
provides energy to take positive action in
your life. There is an ‘assertive’ side of
anger (as opposed to it’s aggressive
counterpart) which you may want to
befriend and harness.
When you judge anger as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’,
you suppress the associated energy within
your body. You put on your mask and try to
get on with life, but you have a ticking time
bomb within you because anger cannot be
contained for very long. Eventually you will
explode and it is generally the ones you love
the most that get hurt when this happens.
In essence, you take your anger out on
others. You can become scary and irrational
and you yell and scream and this is why
many people judge anger as a ‘bad’ emotion.
This is the aggressive expression of anger.
But when you learn to accept the energy of
anger in your body, you harness its power.
You no longer need to bully and belittle
others and you can use this energy to your
advantage. You can use this energy to
motivate you to stand up for your rights and
take positive action.
When you find yourself faced with the
emotion of anger and when you allow the
energy to ‘be there’ in your body, you can:
1
Speak assertively to resolve the
situation without judgement, blame or
criticism. Here you state the facts as you
see them, the way the police do in their
reporting. For example:
if you purchased something and you find
out the goods are faulty, you could say ‘I
purchased this a while back and I’ve noticed
that and I’m wondering if there is
anything that can be done about it?’ When
you approach a problem in this manner,
people will generally go out of their way to
help you and to resolve the situation. But If
you approach the same sales person in an
angry manner and say ‘you sold me faulty
goods and I want you to replace them
immediately’, you’ll probably find yourself
running into more problems!
Another example is if a friend has said
something to upset you, saying something
like ‘ouch, that really hurt’ can often open
an important discussion and is much more
effective than saying ‘why do you have to be
so mean?’ which is purely your judgement.
2
Discharge the energy. Sometimes
people are not open to discussing the
situation and sometimes the situation
doesn’t involve a person at all. When this
happens, it is important to discharge the
energy. Some ways I’ve found useful are:
•
•
•
Bashing a pillow
Screaming and yelling whilst you’re
alone (you can have the music turned
up loud whilst you do this)
Writing it down on paper and burning it
•
Closing your eyes and pretending to
speak to the person ‘as if’ they were
there. Quite often you feel anger
because you haven’t said something
and this technique can be useful.
Quite often, underneath the emotion of
anger lies sadness and fear. The reason I
mention this is because as you perform any
of the above, don’t be surprised if you start
crying or shaking. It’s purely energy moving
through your body, so allow it to happen.
Don’t judge it as ‘wrong’ and tell yourself
that you’re crazy because if you allow the
energy to be there, you will come back to
calm. The irony is that when you allow all of
your emotions to be felt rather than
suppressed, you become mentally and
emotionally strong!
3
Get help. If your anger is lingering and
if you find yourself ruminating on an issue
or if you feel powerless and are stuck in