OH! Magazine - Australian Version October 2018 | Page 25

HOW TO INSPIRE
YOUR TEENAGER
Dr John Demartini explains the power of inspiration.
veryone regardless of age, culture,
or gender, lives by a unique set of
values – a hierarchy of values – including
your teenager.
E
As a parent, it is unwise to attempt to
inspire your teen by autocratically
projecting your values onto them, or by
forcefully telling them what they must or
must not do. They are likely to become
hesitant and frustrated and procrastinate,
because whatever they are being told to
do is not linked to, or congruent with what
they feel is currently most important to
them (i.e. their highest values).
The thing to always remember is that your
teen wants to be loved for who they are
and not necessarily what you want to
make them.
The wisest way, therefore, to inspire your
teen is to first help them determine their
true and current highest values, so you
can then help them fill their day with
meaningful activities that are congruent
with those values.
When your teen aligns their daily actions
with that which is truly most important to
them, their greater competence will be
awakened. This, in turn, then allows them
to fill their day with spontaneously
inspired actions that activate the self-
governing executive centre in their
forebrain, and not just their amygdala.
In addition, wherever your teen is required
to commit their time and effort – such as
at school, university, or work – help them
understand how these daily activities,
duties or responsibilities can ultimately
help, and are helping, them achieve their
highest values. In order to raise an inspired and
empowered teenager:
When you help them align what they are
doing with what is most important to
them, they will be able to more clearly see
how doing these activities will help them
fulfil what is truly most important to them
– their highest values. The result of this is
that they will become more engaged and
self-starting, and less resistant. • Help them transcend the fantasy of
perfectionism.
• Help your teenager understand that
life always has a balance, and that
every challenging situation serves a
purpose
and
enhances
their
development.
It is important that you allow your teen
the freedom to explore and experience
what is meaningful to them. When doing
so, they naturally embrace the challenges
that come with it. By encouraging your
child to go after inspiring and meaningful
challenges, they develop the habit and
confidence to solve those challenges, and
the many more that will accompany their
evolving life. If they don’t pursue
challenges that are inspiring, their days
can become filled with other distracting
challenges that aren’t. • Balance challenge with support.
• Allow – or even encourage – your
teen to face inspired challenges, and
provide them with a loving balance of
parental challenge and support.
• Acknowledge, communicate and
work within your teenager’s current
highest values.
Many people would equate giving your
teen ‘freedom’ with the vision of youths
running wild like impulsive animals;
however, what we are talking about is
teenagers who are free to do what inspires
and is deeply meaningful to them (not
impulsive compensations). Keep in mind,
many immediately gratifying or addictive
behaviours are simply compensations for
not having the day filled with what is truly
most meaningful and inspiring. As we
said ealier, when your teen fills their days
with high priority actions that inspire
them, their days won’t fill up with low
priority distractions that don’t.
It’s important that you learn your child’s
highest values (you can do this for free,
here) and discuss with them what goals
are inspiring to them, and what they can
pursue that will help fulfil those vital
aims.
Dr John Demartini
Dr John Demartini is a renowned
entrepreneur and human behaviour
expert, founder of The Demartini Institute,
and the author of 40 books that have
been translated into 31 languages. He has
featured in films including The Secret,
appearing on Larry King Live, and regularly
contributes to Oprah Magazine. For more
information visit www.drdemartini.com
OH! MAGAZINE ( OCTOBER 2018 )
25