OH! Magazine - Australian Version March 2016

HEIDI DI SANTO HOW TO MOVE ON www.heidi.com.au ( Emotional Fitness ) WHEN FRIENDSHIP ENDS Emotional fitness expert Heidi Di Santo provides four tips to help you move on, after a friendship ends. as a friendship turned sour in your life? You may have been given the cold shoulder, you may have been on the receiving end of a snide comment or you may have heard rumors that a friend has been saying ‘not so nice things’ behind your back. Whatever the circumstance, this behavior is hurtful. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could get along. Sadly, friendship ‘issues’ are a common occurrence. So if you find yourself being hurt by a friend, here’s my four tips on how to move on and make peace with the past so you don’t close down or become revengeful: H 1. Communicate. Attempt to talk directly to your friend to figure out what’s gone on. Many people are open to discussing the problem and often this is all that it takes to resolve an issue. Some people however feel uncomfortable when confronted and they can close down further and even ‘lie’ to save face. If what someone says is different to what actually happens, it’s really important to respect both yourself and the other person by allowing space in the relationship. 2. Provide space. I learned this lesson the hard way! In the past when friends pulled away from me, I wasn’t able to give them space. I phoned, texted and emailed all in an attempt to figure out what had gone on and resolve the issue. But this caused even more stress, conflict and drama. If you’ve tried to communicate and things are still problematic, you’ve got to let go. When you 30 MARCH 2016 ( OH! MAGAZINE ) ‘force’ people to work things out, they will just feel harassed or bullied and they will create even more distance in your relationship. If you’re a person like me who doesn’t like loose ends, I know this can be hard to do, but it’s essential. It’s important to note that your ‘friend’ may never want to work things out with you. So if you find yourself in this situation, how do you handle the lingering emotions? 3. Take control of you and your inner world. The only person you have 100 per cent control over is you. Unfortunately many people give away their power because they’ve lost control of their inner world. Let me explain. Society teaches people to invalidate their feelings. Growing up, sad children are told to ‘cheer up’, angry children are told to ‘calm down’ and excited children are told to ‘settle down’. As a consequence, most people have learned to deny their natural emotional instincts and change them to be the exact opposite to what’s really going on. But this creates problems in your inner world because you’re forced to pretend that what you’re experiencing isn’t actually happening. This creates stress within you. I actually believe suppressed emotion is at the root of problems such as anxiety, depression, addiction andconstant feelings of being overwhelmed. Emotions such as anger, fear and sadness will arise as a result of a friendship breakdown. Sadly, many people push these feelings away rather than accepting and feeling them in their body (which allows the energy to naturally discharge). If you avoid feeling, you’re left holding a hot potato (for want of a better word). It doesn’t feel good inside of you and so you look for ways to get rid of this potato, none of which work by the way! Many people look externally to feel better inside. They may get caught up in the ‘victim-revenge-anger’ never ending merrygo-round. They may shut down and hide. They may become addicted to something. Looking externally however means, you’re left holding onto and trying to suppress the hot potato of unresolved emotions. Feeling your emotions is the only way you can come to peace and it is where your true power lies. It’s how you take control of your inner world! 4. Get help. If you find yourself unable to ‘sit with and process emotions’ within your body, it’s essential that you reach out for professional help. I’m a huge fan of Resource Therapy and Breathwork Therapy. I particularly like these therapies because they very quickly help the part of you that needs to discharge energy so you can find peace inside. I hope this information helps you in your life. If you want more information on taking control of your inner world, you might want to read my book ‘I Should Be Happy But I’m Not’, download my FREE eBook or work with me one on one via my Life Transformation Program. Details available from http://heidi.com.au

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